Tag Archives: Entertainment

In Defense of Miley Cyrus: Part I – The Tongue

27 Aug

This is the first, in what may or may not be a multi-part “In Defense of Miley” oeuvre that I’ll keep adding to until people stop talking about it.

I mean really, I’ve never seen such mass hysteria over a pop star before…..geeze.

I didn’t watch the VMA’s Sunday night. I did, however, watch the video of Miley Cyrus’ performance. I had seen Facebook status after Facebook status, describing it as “disgusting,” “WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?!?!?,” “I weep for our country,” “I don’t want to live on this planet anymore,” “If I was her mother…,” “Does Miley Cyrus actually think sticking her tongue out like that is attractive??!”

 That last one stopped me. Maybe it was the use of the word “attractive.” As a young woman with a penchant for blue humor and unbiased love for fart jokes, I heard crap like that all the time. “Oh…that’s attractive.” The sarcasm dripping off that word like it was melting. “Come on now Caitlin, that’s not very attractive…” as I aped a joke lifted from some boy who’d gotten primo laughs with it just the day before. I was just doing something I thought was fun or funny and a fart joke never killed anyone so I was (and still am) confused when I was chastised for not making myself attractive to people. Who am I supposed to be attracting? What if my whole goal was to be unattractive? Why is that such a bad thing? People do weird, gross shit for any number of reasons. I have a friend who cracks their knuckles all the time and a friend who loves to give people Wet Willies and another who can burp the alphabet. Sometimes, I enjoy timing my farts so they sound like my ass is talking to people or singing along to the Mario Brothers Theme Song (I don’t care what my Husband says, it’s f’ing hilarious). Miley sticks out her tongue. It’s just one of these things that we do.   

Hannah Montana circa 2008 or "Before She Was Scary."

Hannah Montana circa 2008 or “Before She Was Scary.”

And it’s not as if she came up with this horrifically offensive tongue wagging just to terrify you Sunday night and make you clutch your children and decry Miley as a Hypersexual Hell Beast From Crotchgrabia.

She’s a grown woman (some may argue that 20 does not a woman make, but that’s an entirely different argument) whose penchant for sticking out her tongue has become somewhat of a thing for her, putting on a show intended to freak people out and launch a thousand Tweets. What do you know? It worked.

 I’m pretty sure MC wasn’t trying to shock the world’s population in these pictures. Chances are, she was probably, “just bein’ Miley.”

  HOW DARE YOU!?!??!!? THERE’S A CHILD NEXT TO YOU! Wait…is that James Woods behind you?

 

If my tongue was that big I’d want to liberate it from its mouth cage too. Give her a break on the tongue thing, ok? Chillax.

You Slut.

You Slut.

To Be Continued…..in In Defense of Miley Cyrus: Part II – The Crotch Grab

My “Private” Post

12 Oct

Hello My Lovelies,

I’ve not forgotten you. I swear. In fact, I have an obscenely long post coming up for you that’s currently all “private” and shiz. The third letter in the Zombie Apocalypse ABC’s…..

C is for CONSEQUENCES!!!!!!!!!!

I know, I know, you’re totes excited. I am too.

Remember me?

I apologize for my absence. Life has gotten in the way and my writing has fallen victim to the time suckage that is work & theatre. Some of you have probably forgotten all about me, some of you have tossed my bookmark aside as you think I’m dead and gone, but I’m still here.

See you soon.

The Universe Is Communicating With Me Via Blog Stats.

1 May

We all know that our brains find patterns in things. We connect seemingly random happenings and coincidences into grand scenarios of meaning. I’m not sure why we do this. Maybe to reassure ourselves that there’s some meaning to this f’d up world, that we’re not just sitting idly by, blind to what happens to us or where the day takes us. If we can see enough of these connections then maybe we can use them to control our destinies. Maybe if we just look hard enough, we can save lives….just like Kiefer Sutherland. Maybe.

So, this happened.

My blog stats are talking to me. I can keep going...5+6=11, 21+26=47, 4+7=11

I could do this shit all day.

This is what my brain does almost constantly.

I see “omens.” If I audition for The Crucible, that night Daniel Day Lewis shows up at my house it’s on TV. When I was planning my wedding, every TV show and song on the radio was about a damn wedding. When your period is late, every commercial you see if for baby crap.

You never noticed? Well, congrats, you probably will now. 

You’re welcome.

So just what was Come On, Mr. Sunshine trying to tell me on Friday?

Well, it could be a number (pun intended) of things:

  • Maybe it really wants me to enjoy the sweet sound of R.E.M. and Nirvana as both “Man on the Moon” and “Lithium” have 56 “yeahs” in them. 
  • It’s telling me that I’m destined to play Marilyn Monroe in Bombshell because Joe DiMaggio had a base hit in 56 consecutive games with the Yankees in 1941.
  • It thinks I’m adorable and is connecting that to the fact that apparently Shirley Temple wore exactly 56 curls in her hair.
  • My blog admires my independence and as there were 56 signatures on the Declaration of Independence in 1776.
  • It’s warning me of some sort of Apocalyptic disaster by alerting me to pay attention to Aristole’s theory that there are 56 layers of the Universe.
  • Then there’s all this crap about the Aubrey holes at Stonehenge.

I guess we’ll never know…

All of the information above came from Wikipedia, because I’m lazy.

These are 56 voyages of the Starship Enterprise…

27 Apr

Have you seen this?

I watched 27 seconds of it and had to stop.

Sometimes I sit and think about a “perfect world.” This “perfect world” usually consists of an extremely comfortable couch, Spike, KJack & a wall of TV’s.

However, because it’s “perfect,” there’s volume control.

Otherwise, this is awesome.

Coming Attractions:

How To Make A Wig!!

(That looks like the Heat Miser’s hair, but is really a Fire Woman wig for Conquest….)

No Comics For YOU! – Instead, Let’s Pretend It’s 2 Years Ago.

28 Mar

There will be no review for you today, as KJack’s exact words to me this morning were:

“Nothing is awesome and nothing is terrible.”

Apparently, we’re all about extremes over here at Come On, Mr. Sunshine.

So, instead of your regularly scheduled comic book review, we’re going to hit it up vintage-style and go back to January 2010 when you couldn’t get “Hey Soul Sister” out of your head, Justin Bieber was just that Canadian kid from Youtube and you were still reeling over what New Directions did at Sectionals.

Remember Death Metal Rooster?

This Youtube video was all the rage back in ol’ January of yore.

 

There were follow-ups, spoofs and parodies up the wazoo, but this one is quite possible the most entertaining.

I’m 100% biased because this is Bestie Cori‘s spawn, Charlie.

My nephew is far cooler than you because sometimes…he just needs to rock.

*****************************

I was all set to end this post here, but when I was looking for something to link “Hey Soul Sister” to, I found the below video…as I’ve noticed most of you don’t click on things like I tell you too, I’m just going to go ahead and put it in.

Because nothin’ goes better with a 2 yr. old jamming to death metal than an 8 yr. old rocking a ukulele.

Adorbs.


All I Do Is Win.

16 Mar

Have I mentioned Laments and Lullabies yet? Well I should have. Back when I was basking in the glow of the Liebster Blog thingamajig and I had to nominate other blogs I was TOTALLY going to nominate L&L, but frankly I was all nervous because this lady is super awesome and probably didn’t want to be bothered with my silly fake blog award when she had far more important things to deal with, but I was wrong, she’s totally into dumbass blogging awards. She’s got, like, seven.

Anyway, Sara, you yourself, are one of the most inspiring people I don’t know, if only because you write about some pretty heavy shit and do it with class and snark. I’m a little bit in love with you. Thank you for being you and for liking me. Grossies 4eva.

Now for a song I like that’s about another girl named Sara (NO “H” GODDAMMIT!).

Looksee…AWARDS!

But it’s not all awards ya’ know…I actually have to work for my accolades too.

Over at Clown On Fire I sorta’ correctly guessed Clown’s crap handwriting. My superior forensic brain and constant thoughts of Lindsay Lohan worked simultaneously to correctly guess that his Canadian chicken scratch said “Mean Girls 2” I actually just went with “Mean Girlz” because I thought perhaps pluralizing with “z” was a groovy French dude thing. I won both a very special Le French Blogging Mime video AND an personalized drawing of Naturom Demonto: the Book of the Dead or as I like to call it (’cause I’m not fancy) Necronomicon. MIMES AND EVIL!  HURRAY!

So Happy Friday kids!

May you, too, keep winning. Because winning is awesome, even if you’re a loser like me.

Baaahahahaha….I totally made you watch a Glee video. Bazinga!

Pop Quiz, Asshole…

10 Mar

When I'm feeling all angry-like, I hold the phone just like this too.

What do you do when you have zero dollars,

Your Husband is off playing RPG’s with a bunch o’ nerds,

You kinda’ feel like shit and have no motivation to do anything with your day?

You lay in bed and sleep on and off for 12 hours straight, waking up every so often to notice that time doesn’t seem to be passing because Speed is still on, which means you’ve only been asleep for, like, 20 minutes (in actuality AMC played Speed 7 times today. What. The. Hell?) so you might as well go back to sleep because Jeff Daniels hasn’t even been blown up yet.

Don't mind me, I'm just sittin' here bein' adorable.

Can I talk about J.D. for just a sec?

I love him. Plain and simple as that, I love him.

Let’s take a brief look at some of his movies, shall we? Except for Speed.

Fuck Speed.

Arachnophobia (1990)

He’s Dr. Ross Jennings, a small town doctor, father and husband. He’s completely precious in every way and gosh darnit! Why can’t the old fuddy-duddies in this town realize he’s on to something with this whole “spider thing” dammit?!?!

They should have listened to him sooner.

Also, notable for John Goodman’s performance as Delbert.

Also, notable again, because I remember when we saw it in the movie theatre my Dad left right as the spider shit started to hit the fan and went to go watch (I think) Die Hard 2 in the instead.

A “thrillomedy?” Really?!?! That’s badass, why have I never heard that word before!??! Apparently, this term refers only to Arachnophobia, Reaper & Chuck. Huh, who knew?

Pleasantville (1998)

I will cry every single time I watch this movie. This time our Jeff goes totally against type and plays the adorable, understanding, sweet diner owner, Bill Johnson. Oh, wait…nope, that’s totally his type and I love it. He likes to paint and love Joan Allen from afar while suffering silently as the mean old fuddy-duddies in the town throw trashcans through his window. They’re mean and he’s awesome. Tears. Every. Single. Time.

I do love a movie where you get sucked into the TV.

Paper Man (2009)

Fantastic movie!! FANTASTIC!! Mildly depressing, but fantastic. J.D. is Richard Dunn, adorable, misunderstood struggling writer. He’s married to Lisa Kudrow, but not quirky, lovable, Phoebe-Lisa-Kudrow, more like the Phoebe in the alternate universe of that one Friends episode where Monica was still fat.

Anyhoo…he meets Emma Stone and the two become besties. He has an imaginary friend that’s a superhero (played by that Ryan Reynolds fella’ from the hit show Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place.) Eventually, their friendship is misunderstood by his stupid fuddy-duddy wife and his house is trashed by mean fuddy-duddy teenagers, but he hangs in there and never stops being adorable. I called the “surprise twist ending” about half-way through, but guessing movie endings is my superpower. I highly suggest you watch this. If only to watch the movie where Emma Stone and Kieran Culkin fell in love.

It’s good, ya’ll. For reals.

Now to watch some Game of Thrones and maybe take a nap before watching creepy Skinny-Jonah-Hill on SNL.

Let’s bring this full circle and watch J.D. on SNL.

Enjoy your commercial, then enjoy the adorable.

Oscars In Love – The Top 5 Movies Oscar Loved About Love

25 Feb

This weekend I gots two events; a wedding and the Oscars. So I figured, what would a Pop Culture blog be without the obligatory “Top blah, blah, blah” post?

So in honor of my friend’s upcoming nuptials tonight and the 84th Annual Academy Awards I give to you……

The Top 5 Movies Oscar Loved About Love

1. Romeo and Juliet (1936)

I'm honestly not sure who's who in this picture.

They got 4 nominations but no wins. Shakespeare never got nominated for anything other than Potentially Gay Guy Most Likely To Knock Up A Cougar. Thank God everyone realized he was pretty badass after he died or else we may have missed out on getting to see naked teenagers when we had to watch the ’68 version (also nominated) in English class. But I digress…we were discussing the 1936 version weren’t we? It was beautiful, it was lavish, it was…..NOT NEARLY AS AWESOME AS THE LEONARDO DICAPRIO ONE!! Come on! Paul “I love you, Bromeo” Rudd was in it for Christ’s sake!!! 60 years can do a lot for a story. I’m not going to lie, I’ve never even seen the ’36 version and if it wasn’t for that one time in 6th grade I probably wouldn’t have watched the ’68 version, but I sure as hell have seen the 1996 EPIC MASTERPIECE OF TRUE LOVE AND TEEN ANGST, BAZ LUHRMANN’S, ROMEO + JULIET!!! When Harold Perrineau shouted “Row-Mayo!!” I was enchanted. Screw puffy shirts, layers of velvet and swords! Long live Hawaiian shirts, greasy hair and handguns! Huzzah!


“They turned it sideways!! That’s a kill shot!”

This may have had something to do with the fact that I was a 15 year old girl at the time…..maybe.

2.) West Side Story (1961)

See above . Add Singing, Dancing and Puerto Ricans. 11 nominations, 10 wins. Oscar likes things to be a bit more ethnic.

I just recently saw the revival at the Cadillac Theatre here in Chicago. This particular production was going for the “gritty reality” of musical street gangs. There was a dance rape. We took my 10 year old Goddaughter. She did take away one very valuable lesson though; Never bring a knife to a rumble. It wasn’t the best show, but it may save a life.

This is actually pretty similar to the Romeo & Juliet poster from '36

3.) Tootsie (1982)

I love this movie. LOVE IT!!! I have a handful of movies that I call “Sleepy Time Movies” (or S.M.T.) and this is one of them. “Sleepy Time Movies” are the movies you can turn on when you can’t turn your brain off and you need to go to sleep NOW!! It might seem odd to use “movie I can immediately fall asleep to” as a compliment, but it is. One of the highest. I am so familiar with it and so comfortable with it, it’s a lullaby of hilariousness and soothing 80’s instrumentals. Of all the movies ever nominated for an Oscar in the history of Oscars, this may be my favorite. And when it comes to the topic of love, Tootsie has it in spades. Michael (Dustin Hoffman sans wig) loves acting. Sandy (Teri Garr, who incidentally is in the S.T.M., Mr. Mom) loves Michael. Michael loves Julie Nichols (Constance from American Horror Story) who loves Dorothy (Dustin Hoffman w/ wig) but doesn’t love her, love her. And Julie’s father really does love Dorothy, so much so that he proposes marriage. This movie is worth watching if only to watch Charles Durning hit on Dustin Hoffman, who I think kind of looks like a Republican presidential candidate. The entire thing comes to a close with everyone loving everyone and Michael having finally gotten the money needed to produce his roomate’s (Bill Murry) play….Return To Love Canal.

10 nominations, only Lang took home a statue. Oscar also like things to be pretty.

You were expecting that damn "I'm flying, Jack!" picture weren't you?

4.) Titanic (1997)

Nominated for everything. Won everything. Made everyone involved ridiculously famous. Even the props found work after the Titanic sunk (wait..was I supposed to preface that with “spoiler alert?” My bad, won’t happen again). The necklace even starred in a Britney Spears video:

Do you think he wore his astronaut suit when he "went down and got if for you?"

Technically still a love story even though everyone died at the end…..uh…spoiler alert….oops, I did it again.

5.) The Artist (2012)

I haven’t seen it because it’s all old and black & white and foreign and silent and stuff, but according to it’s Wikipedia page it’s lovely and if it’s anything like this….

…I’m in.

P.S. Why is this backwards…am I wearing the Mirrormask? Is this a French thing? I’m so confused.

In all seriousness though, Jean Dujardin has a face to die for and while I haven’t yet had a chance to see The Artist I look forward to both his and his eyebrows’ adorably French acceptance speech on Sunday.

Veux-tu être ma petite-amie?

Oui.

Enjoy your weekend kids (all 25 of you who find me here). I’d like to tell you I’ll post something tomorrow, but I’ll be shitfaced during the bulk of the day and chances are you aren’t going to get much more than some haphazard photos of a wedding modified with various photo apps. Something to look forward to though, ain’t it?

As for the Oscars, I’m pretty excited to see the clips for Best Supporting Actress ’cause at least two of them will probably have poop in them

Anatomy of A Comic Con

23 Feb

This was all originally part of Awkward Celebrity Encounters Part II, but it’s too long and too off topic…now it’s its very own Blost! (That’s right Blog+Post…do sumthin’)

Every year in August, Wizard World comes to Chicago. For those of you that don’t know, Wizard World is a comic book convention…actually it’s more a Pop Culture convention. If you’ve never been to one of these conventions you are missing out. Where else can you go to see 90210’s Steve Sanders and Jerry Lawler rub elbows with Willy Wonka’s Mike TV?

Uh….I just checked the line up for 2012 and brace yourself…….

Melissa Joan Hart & Joey Lawrence are coming!! Hurray!!!!

Clarissa the Teenage Witch!

 

Woah.

Every year it’s pretty good, but never has it been Melissa & Joey good!!!!

 

There are a handful of guests that you’re always going to run into. Nicholas Brendan practically lives at these things. I’m not sure when he finds time to act as he seems to always be on the fan convention circuit.This probably pays better than a guest spot on Criminal Minds though, so no judgement , Nicky. You’ll prolly see James Marsters and you’ll always see someone from the WWE. Someone from at least one of the Star Trek franchises will be there and for the last two years there’s been at least one Monkee.With so many people at these things how are you supposed to know who’s who among the Comic Con Glitterati?? For your Edutainment I present to you:

The Four Tiers of Comic Con Celebrities

 Tier Four:

Your WWE Superstars, your television guest roles (90210’s Emily Valentine! Chick from Baywatch! Suitcase #9 from Deal Or No Deal! That One Guy From That One Show!) and your Reality “Stars”

These guys are stuck at tables either smack dab in the middle of the merchandise tables or clustered in the back of the

No deal.

convention near the bathrooms. They don’t have handlers and are generally more excited to talk to you than you are to them.  I once had to walk by the same table 15 times due to its location…you can only politely smile and nod to Johnny Fairplay so many times before you start to feel like an asshole for not saying something or giving him 8 bucks for an autograph. 

Tier 3:

Nostalgia Guests (The cast of Willy Wonka all grow’d up! Richard Roundtree! The Monkees! Pam Grier!

They sit at their tables (in slightly better locations) with a stack of glossy 8x10s and smile as you tell them how much you love them. You’ll give them $45-$65 and they’ll awkwardly but politely put their arm around you while your friend or their assistant/handler try to figure out how to take a picture with your phone.

No…press the picture of the camera…wait..no..did it flash??…nevermind…

Tier 2:

Legit Star Promoting Something Recent

You’ll  generally find this tier along the perimeter of the room with roped off areas for fanchildren to line up. Here you’ll find the cast of Walking Dead, True Blood, Torchwood, etc. If it’s still on or still relevant you’ll find them here. You’ll find your Buffy folk over this way too. These guys operate much like Tier 3, but there are ropes, longer lines and if you’re not there on a Friday or Saturday it’s just going to be a giant picture of their face and an empty table.

Two Xanders for the price of one.

 

 Tier 1:

Featured Guests

This is where the big hitters are. This is your Shatner, your Patrick Stewart and entire cast of The Next Generation, your Chris Hemsworths, Linda Hamiltons, Christopher Lloyds, Bruce Campbells, etc…

Oh Captain, My Captain

These guys are in prime location, roped off, sometimes curtained off (Carrie Fisher, I’m talking to you) you have a few hours on Saturday to get in, pay up, get it signed, and move along.

 

Then there’s Artist’s Alley. Spend a lot of time here folks. You might not recognize these guys’ faces but chances are you’ve seen their artwork somewhere. 100% of the artwork I’ve purchased for my home came from Artist’s Alley. It’s a goldmine of talent over there.

Found in the Alley.

Insider Tip: If you hit AA up near the end of the last day of the Con they’ll be itching to get rid of any unsold work they’d otherwise have to pack up and schlep back home. It’s a fire sale in AA on Sunday at 3pm.

 

IMPORTANT NOTE: This list doesn’t actually include any of the Comic Book artists and writers that you’ll find at these things. While I believe I’m qualified to categorize the Pop Culture-sphere I don’t know squat about the people that actually make comics. They belong to a tier all their own. It’s like on Glee where I know so much about the actual Glee Club, but I have no clue about the hierarchies of the Jazz Band behind them.

PICTURED: Fascinating Opportunities for Backstory

My Husband is always working at these things so I end up waiting for him next door at the hotel bar. The hotel where the cool kids are staying. The cool kids who, after a full day of signing autographs and hugging nerds, like to drink…at the hotel bar. It was in this hotel bar, after a day at Wizard World last year, where I met……

LeVar Burton!!!!!!!

To be continued…

Awkward Celebrity Encounters Part I: Roseanne Barr Blocked Me On Twitter

23 Feb

I love Roseanne. I watched it religiously. I still watch it. I was the same age as DJ, I had the personality of Darlene and had Becky’s bubble butt. This was my perfect sitcom. The writing was far superior to that of the other sitcoms on at the time. Up until the final season, there was rarely, if ever, a need for the quirky filler episodes and broad comedy that plagued Full House and Boy Meets World (which I still totally loved, but for very different reasons). There was no need for an “Urkle” or a “Balki,” although Laurie Metcalf’s “Jackie” seemed to be pushed into that role towards the end.

Although a parody, it's eventually what she became.

In a year, I'll actually be forced to be "wacky."

See?

I didn’t know it at the time, but the Roseanne episodes that struck me the most were penned by someone I’d grow up to have a massive fangirl brain boner for; Joss Whedon.

I will argue to the death that “Brain Dead Poet’s Society” is the most fantastic piece of television ever produced. EVER. So Whedon fans note: Before he wrote any inspirational speeches for the Scoobies or lyrics for NPH (scroll to the end of the post for examples of both), he crawled inside my head (and the heads of every other 12 year old girl who used a big mouth and a penchant for sarcasm to cover up how utterly terrifying it was to be a 12 year old girl) and said this:

To whom it concerns, Darlene’s work will be late
It fell on her pancakes and stuck to her plate.
To whom it concerns, my mom made me write this,
But I’m just a kid, so how could I fight this
To whom it concerns, I lost my assignment,
Maybe I’ll get lucky…solitary confinement
To whom it concerns, Darlene’s great with the ball,
But guys don’t watch tomboys when they’re cruising the hall.
To whom it concerns, I just turned thirteen,
Too short to be quarterback, too plain to be queen
To whom it concerns, I’m not made of steel,
When I get blindsided my pain is quite real.
I don’t mean to squawk, but it really burns.
I just thought I’d mention it…to whom it concerns.

It was a fantastic show. I loved the Conners and the love I felt for the humor and the heart this show had grew to encompass the entire cast simply because they were a part of something I loved. They will forever have my admiration…even if they block me on Twitter.

The Story:

I was very new to Twitter. I’d learned about hashtags and followed appropriately. I didn’t sign up for every celebrity Twitter feed I could find. I was choosy. I had almost 12 followers that weren’t even my real-life friends! I was on a roll dammit! This was around the same time Roseanne’s Nuts was airing on Lifetime. I watched every episode, this was my Roseanne after all. I still loved her! I followed her and boyfriend Johnny on Twitter. I read every single one of their political and socially conscious tweets.

Meryl Streep was also in this. For reals.

I noticed that a lot of strangers spent a whole lot of energy calling her names and responding with an unreasonable amount of anger towards someone who’s major contribution to the world (other than Roseanne) was She-Devil. She’s not in charge of foreign policy here, people. She can be as bat-shit crazy as she wants and I promise you, it will never affect you in any way. Unless, that is, she yells at you on Twitter or something.

I hadn’t quite grasped the subtleties of retweets vs. replies and I sure as feck didn’t think anyone was really reading them. Roseanne likes to retweet the negative replies she receives. So I tried to make a funny and seem like a totally with-it chick. I saw one of these and thought this was my opportunity to be bold and let The Great Roseanne Barr know that we were destined to be Besties by commenting on how that person was totes lame and I was totes awesome.

PICTURED: Embarrassment.


See what I did there? No? I retweeted a retweet that was originally a reply and added “Really? Are you new?” and then followed it up with an explanation tweet (which I neglected to realize wouldn’t even been see by Roseanne) about “flouncing,” a made-up word from a niche blog. I thought I was freaking brilliant. In actuality, I’m a freaking dumbass.

I’m also painfully aware that this is incredibly hard to follow. Blogging is hard…hang in there Reader, I’ll get better.

What you don’t see is what happened when Roseanne got involved…

TheRealRoseanne: @CJackKittycat @k______ ITS NOT BILE HONEY ITS TRUTH!!!!!

shit.

The next day…

To Whom It Concerns, I Suck At Twitter.

I believe my mistake here was three fold: One – Using the term “flounce” which is apparently only used amongst the Regretsy crowd. Two – I obviously find it difficult to say things in only 140 characters without muddling the intent. Three – Attempting to kiss Roseanne Barr’s ass on the follow-up.

In essence, I tried to be funny while communicating with an idol via a social networking site that I have yet to master (Ashton Kutcher can do it for Christ’s sake, how hard could it be?!?!?). It backfired and I looked like an asshole. And if you’ll notice in the above screenshot,  Roseanne “hates assholes.”

In a brief moment of unrealistic panic I thought, “Now Roseanne’s mad at me!!!!” So I tried to explain myself to Johnny, but he (rightfully) ignored me and went right back to tweeting about #occupying something.

It definitely bummed me out for a few weeks and I’ve put that Roseanne tattoo on the back burner for now…but I do realize that all these years it wasn’t Roseanne Barr that I loved. It was Roseanne Conner and Dan and Darlene and Bonnie and Mark and David and Nana Mary…this world we live in now presents far too many opportunities to “get to know” the person behind the character with reality shows and Twitter and TMZ and maybe it’s not such a good idea. It’s not fair to them and it’s not fair to us. We can broadcast our crazy/passions/beliefs/ideals/opinions all across the interweb and it’s likely that not many people will care. An actor does it and all of a sudden we get our feelings hurt because we really loved them, that one time, when they were somebody else.

What’s that saying? Never meet your heroes kid…


Check back tomorrow for

Part II: LeVar Burton Did Something Weird To My Eye.

EXAMPLE A – Joss Likes Speeches

EXAMPLE B – He Also Writes Groovy Tunes

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