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In Defense of Miley Cyrus: Part I – The Tongue

27 Aug

This is the first, in what may or may not be a multi-part “In Defense of Miley” oeuvre that I’ll keep adding to until people stop talking about it.

I mean really, I’ve never seen such mass hysteria over a pop star before…..geeze.

I didn’t watch the VMA’s Sunday night. I did, however, watch the video of Miley Cyrus’ performance. I had seen Facebook status after Facebook status, describing it as “disgusting,” “WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?!?!?,” “I weep for our country,” “I don’t want to live on this planet anymore,” “If I was her mother…,” “Does Miley Cyrus actually think sticking her tongue out like that is attractive??!”

 That last one stopped me. Maybe it was the use of the word “attractive.” As a young woman with a penchant for blue humor and unbiased love for fart jokes, I heard crap like that all the time. “Oh…that’s attractive.” The sarcasm dripping off that word like it was melting. “Come on now Caitlin, that’s not very attractive…” as I aped a joke lifted from some boy who’d gotten primo laughs with it just the day before. I was just doing something I thought was fun or funny and a fart joke never killed anyone so I was (and still am) confused when I was chastised for not making myself attractive to people. Who am I supposed to be attracting? What if my whole goal was to be unattractive? Why is that such a bad thing? People do weird, gross shit for any number of reasons. I have a friend who cracks their knuckles all the time and a friend who loves to give people Wet Willies and another who can burp the alphabet. Sometimes, I enjoy timing my farts so they sound like my ass is talking to people or singing along to the Mario Brothers Theme Song (I don’t care what my Husband says, it’s f’ing hilarious). Miley sticks out her tongue. It’s just one of these things that we do.   

Hannah Montana circa 2008 or "Before She Was Scary."

Hannah Montana circa 2008 or “Before She Was Scary.”

And it’s not as if she came up with this horrifically offensive tongue wagging just to terrify you Sunday night and make you clutch your children and decry Miley as a Hypersexual Hell Beast From Crotchgrabia.

She’s a grown woman (some may argue that 20 does not a woman make, but that’s an entirely different argument) whose penchant for sticking out her tongue has become somewhat of a thing for her, putting on a show intended to freak people out and launch a thousand Tweets. What do you know? It worked.

 I’m pretty sure MC wasn’t trying to shock the world’s population in these pictures. Chances are, she was probably, “just bein’ Miley.”

  HOW DARE YOU!?!??!!? THERE’S A CHILD NEXT TO YOU! Wait…is that James Woods behind you?

 

If my tongue was that big I’d want to liberate it from its mouth cage too. Give her a break on the tongue thing, ok? Chillax.

You Slut.

You Slut.

To Be Continued…..in In Defense of Miley Cyrus: Part II – The Crotch Grab

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#I’m Dumb – The Sparkle Pony Edition

1 Mar

My new favorite show is Portlandia. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen play various people living life in Portland, OR. It’s hilarious and amazing and wonderful, but this isn’t a post about my love of Portlandia. This is a post about how I’m a moron.

So, I kinda’ wanna’ be a hipster. I aspire to be Zooey Deschanel. That guy Wilco is my favorite band. I only drink Vegan beer. (one truth, two lies.)

Anyhoo…while doing some research for a post for a friend’s blog today I stumbled upon this….

Wait...I know that girl....

Wait…I know that girl….

In season 1 of Portlandia a music fest had come to Portland, Blunderbus. Hispsters were everywhere and one sad, lonely girl with bows in her hair and a guitar case covered in stickers couldn’t get into any of the venues because everyone thought she was a weirdo. I loved her. She said she was the band Sparkle Pony. At the time I thought, “Wow…that chick is super real and funny. I wonder why I haven’t seen her do more stuff.”  Because she’s in The fucking Decemberists you idiot, that’s why. Jenny Conlee. Not an actress, but an actual muscian that, according to Wikipedia, plays every instrument on Earth. They’re on the soundtrack for The Hunger Games for Christ’s sake.

What rock have I been living under? I’ve LITERALLY heard every single one of their songs on one of my stupid Pandora hipster stations I create, but I had absolutely no clue who they were. Clearly.

You know, this isn’t acutally my fault. Back in the day I could have counted on MTV or Sound FX to show me music videos where I could put faces to names, but now all I have to rely on is Apple Commercials and Internet Radio. THIS IS NOT MY FAULT!!!

Jenny Conlee, I’m sorry I thought you were just some local Portland actress who got her big break playing a weird girl with a guitar in the fifth episode of the first season of a sketch comedy show on IFC.

"I like your bows."

I like your bows. I’m sorry I didn’t know who you were. I love you.

God I miss Sound FX.

Blog! From Blammo!

2 Apr

Sometimes my brain is teeming with blog post ideas. Sometimes it’s not.

 Recently, it’s been more often not.

 Maybe it’s due to the fact that currently, I’m preoccupied with rehearsals and line learning and trying to figure out how the hell I’m going to sing Disco Inferno and Blondie’s Maria while dressed in a burlap sack and itchy wig while looking cool and without vomiting. I’ve been an actor for 25 years and I still am overwhelmed with paranoia and nerves for the entire process leading up to opening night. One would think this would deter me from this whole “theatre thing,” but apparently I’m a masochist. I’m generally paranoid and terrified much of my day anyway, so no big.

 Since I’ve neglected my little blog here I felt oh so terrible for you, my Intermittent Readers, and felt that I must post something brilliant today to satiate you for at least 3 days until my next post.

 I Googled “blog post ideas.”

 I’m sorry, but I did. I’m grossed out that I even did this because why even write a blog if you can’t organically generate your own content. Why write if you have nothing to say? It’s not as if I’m Perez Hilton and legions of teenagers will crumble if they’re not getting a constant deluge of pictures of giant pregnant Jessica Simpson. I’m just some gal who occasionally posts mildly funny things and then repeatedly screams at her friends, “WHY AREN’T YOU READING MY BLOG?!” I love that there are a few of you out there that genuinely seem to enjoy some of my postings and I feel guilty when I can’t provide you with hilarious and timely content and it’s for you that I sunk so low as to find myself here: The Blog Post Generator

 But WAIT! SURPRISE TWIST ENDING…there is an endless sea of hilarity to be found here!!!

 All one is to do is click “Create” and then take whatever topical and thought provoking “idea” this generator generates and head back over to your blog and prepare to be Freshly Pressed.

Let’s explore:

The plot was decent, but it left me hungry for more.

James Taylor? That British band I've never heard of and only found through Google? James Cagney?

Number 1: It's not General Hospital.

This one is actually pretty good. Buffy is "one of my favorites." It's my favorite TV show, my favorite color and my favorite food. It is NOT my favorite movie.

That it's no longer on the air?

Yogurt or yoghurt (other spellings listed below; US: /ˈjoʊɡərt/, UK: /ˈjɒɡət/) is a dairy product produced by bacterial fermentation of milk."
Done.

If I used this idea, would I just put the question out there and hope my readers provide me with the information about curling I so desperately desire?

Remember when Jerry Van Dyke was the Big Lots spokesperson? That was a match made in Heaven, don't ya' think?

I don't.

You know, it's stuff like this that gets Bloggers stereotyped on TV shows like The Office.

I mean, Jerry and his Big Lots commercials I can handle, but Dick Van Dyke and his crime solving?!!? I just can't DEAL WITH THAT!!!!!

oh my.

It was at this point that I called it quits, because hitting that “create” button one too many times apparently calls forth an evil that I was not prepared for.

So that ends my adventure with a blog post generator. I will never Google “blog post ideas” ever again and I will just accept the fact that some days, I’m just going to be unable to bring the funny.

One thing that did come out of this though is the giant list of topics I will now inevitably blog about:


Happy Birthday Megan Hilty!!! – Broadway For The People…Who Watch TV.

29 Mar

I should be working on the upcoming fundraisers for my show opening the second week in May, but instead I’m writing blog posts about Megan Hilty.

That’s how I roll.

I can work on my super awesome 80’s trivia questions in a second, but right now I want to say “Happy Birthday” to a pretty badass actress.

If you don’t know who Megan Hilty is, then you’re not watching Smash and you SHOULD be watching Smash.

.

.Granted, I’m a theatre girl so, to me, it’s freaking awesome and to you, maybe less awesome, but still worth watching. Even if they insist on completely unnecessary song & dance numbers in bowling alleys. .

.

..

.

Also, you have Brian d’Arcy James, DO SOMETHING WITH HIM!!

Like this, for instance.

Back to the birthday girl, Miss Hilty. Love Ivy (her Smash alter ego) or hate her, you have to be a stone-cold idiot not to agree that Hilty has something special. Her voice is fantastic. Please. Google her. Love her. Keep your eye out for her. She’s going to be huge.

There is nothing more exciting to me than a show like Smash doing as well as it is because while I spent my entire young life listening to Broadway soundtracks and spontaneously bursting into show tunes, other people did not. Thank God for NBC bringing Broadway to network television. 

.These actors deserve to be seen, dammit! Pick a Smash actor at random and I can almost guarantee you that they have graced the stage long before your DVR. For instance, Christian Borle who plays “Tom” already popped up on the TV sets of tweens in 2007 when he played “Emmet” in the MTV made-for-tv musical version of Legally Blonde. Remember the reality show they had to find the next “Elle” and then they followed up the finale with a televised version of the entire show…which was awesome, but not quite as awesome as Carmen: A Hip Hopera.

That shit was hilarious.

Anyhoo…HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEGAN HILTY!!

It's my birthday, bitch!

So watch Smash, go to a show, SUPPORT THE ARTS! Especially Theatre…’cause it’s awesome. I once took a nose dive head first into the first row when my Knight spun me too hard while in Camelot. It’s totally just as violent as hockey and football. Or not. Whatever.

Speaking of blondes…you know that show I keep talking about? Well, I get to be blonde in it. Alas, I’m no Marilyn, but a girl can dream, can’t she?

I'm going to go ahead and just pretend like this is what I'm supposed to look like. Hopefully there will be more flattering and less drunk-looking promos to come.

**Note to Smash producers: If you don’t give me some Norbert Leo Butz I’m going to flip out.***

No Comics For YOU! – Instead, Let’s Pretend It’s 2 Years Ago.

28 Mar

There will be no review for you today, as KJack’s exact words to me this morning were:

“Nothing is awesome and nothing is terrible.”

Apparently, we’re all about extremes over here at Come On, Mr. Sunshine.

So, instead of your regularly scheduled comic book review, we’re going to hit it up vintage-style and go back to January 2010 when you couldn’t get “Hey Soul Sister” out of your head, Justin Bieber was just that Canadian kid from Youtube and you were still reeling over what New Directions did at Sectionals.

Remember Death Metal Rooster?

This Youtube video was all the rage back in ol’ January of yore.

 

There were follow-ups, spoofs and parodies up the wazoo, but this one is quite possible the most entertaining.

I’m 100% biased because this is Bestie Cori‘s spawn, Charlie.

My nephew is far cooler than you because sometimes…he just needs to rock.

*****************************

I was all set to end this post here, but when I was looking for something to link “Hey Soul Sister” to, I found the below video…as I’ve noticed most of you don’t click on things like I tell you too, I’m just going to go ahead and put it in.

Because nothin’ goes better with a 2 yr. old jamming to death metal than an 8 yr. old rocking a ukulele.

Adorbs.


Inspired By…..Ben Kweller’s Thirteen (or 5 Awesome Android Photo Apps)

2 Mar

It was in the back of taxi…

When you told me you loved me…

And that I wasn’t alone…

Ben KwellerThirteen

So that last picture might be in the back of a bus and not a taxi but, for some reason, while I’m sure I’ve taken millions of pictures in the backs of cabs, there are none to be found.

Paiting by Jeremiah Palecek

As you can see I LOVE me some photography modification apps. Maybe you do too. Sorry iPhone folk, but I’m an Android girl.

Here’s what I use:

Pixlr-o-matic – This is my favorite. It recently updated and has a bajillion filters (they are all named after people so it’s not the easiest to use, but after a while you get to know who’s who) – It also has a giant selection of borders and other effects like that linen effect on the taxis and the bokeh effect on the picture of Sarah (She of the dryer sheet) in the Christmas cab. – FREE!

BeFunky Photo Editor ProLoved this one so much I paid for the “Pro” version. This one not only has a ton of effects, but it also has an Edit area where you can adjust brightness, contrast, orientation, crop, etc…It’s pretty basic as far as frames go, but hey, you’ve got Pixlr, you can edit it in BeFunky and frame it with something else! – Free & Pro versions

Little PhotoMy very first photography effects app I downloaded when I finally got a grown-up phone (a whole few months ago). It’s basic, but it’s good and I love its “Toy Camera” effect. – FREE!

Example of Little Photo's Toy Camera effect...and pretentiousness.

 PicsArt-Photo Studio – A.Mahhhhzing! Dig this one a lot. This one has areas where you can create a collage, draw on a picture, add words, clip art, “stickers,” plus it comes with variations on the effects you’ll find on the others, but the reason to download this guy is the ability to add text to your photos. It’s awesome. Not a giant selection of fonts, but I ain’t complainin’. – FREE!

PicsArt for the text, Pixlr for the filters, Hipster for the ride

Finally, Retro Camera This one is actually a camera app and not just an effects app. You choose from one of 6 cameras and then take the picture. I don’t use it as much because I keep forgetting which camera does what, but when I do use it, I’m never disappointed. The Tee For Tuesdays logo was taken with the “Xolaroid 2000” and the picture below was taken with one of the others. Which one exactly? I have no clue. They could prolly add some identifying features for someone like me who has way too many apps and sometimes forgets what they hell they even do. – FREE!

Happy Friday Kids…go download some apps, will ya’? It’ll keep you entertained for days. Be forewarned though…there’s a possibility you could, like me, become an app hoarder and I don’t think Matt Paxton is going to come to my rescue any time soon.  

Portrait of an App Hoarder - I'm about 5 decisions away from sh*ting in a bucket

Remember how this post started with song lyrics….prepare yourself for one of the best songs you’ll ever hear…Ladies & Gentlemen, Ben Kweller…….

I Wanna’ Be Free…Say Goodbye

1 Mar

I was all prepared to post something entirely different today, but since the world tragically lost Davy Jones yesterday I got sidetracked and wanted to share some Davy related goodness instead. According to reports Davy died yesterday morning after suffering a heart attack. He was 66.

I spoke last week about Wizard World Comic Con and how you’ll generally find a Monkee at these things. This year, it was going to be Davy. I was pretty excited to meet him. I really loved him and the rest of the Monkees. My Dad was quite the fan and has sung Monkees tunes to me since I was a baby.

I’m sorry he’s gone, but I’m grateful he left us with so much. Here’s a few things gathered from the interwebs to put a smile on the faces of those who’ll miss him, jog the memory of those who may have forgotten and to maybe introduce 1 or 2 of you to someone who was pretty special.

He’s Davy Jones, after all.

First, The Brady Bunch.

In 1971, Marsha, head of the Davy Jones Fan Club, totally promised that Davy would come sing at the Westdale High School Prom. Because she’s Marsha, it all worked out…because Marsha makes things happen dammit.

Second, Boy Meets World.

Topanga’s dad was played by Peter Tork. There wasn’t a chance in hell that TGIF was going to let a Monkee opportunity pass them by. In 1995 the hip thing to do was go to raves. I never went to one because glow sticks freak me out, but Corey & Eric Matthews “threw” one (Does one even “throw” a rave?) at Chubbies on the the same night of their parents’ anniversary. Blah, Blah, Blah, they got caught, learned a valuable lesson, yadda, yadda, yadda, the Monkees showed up.

It’s REG! Reginald Fairfield!

Finally, Dawson’s Creek.

Davy never actually made an appearance on the creek, but nevertheless his presence was there because Joey & Dawson had a song, as all annoying teenage couples do, and their song was Daydream Believer.

I’m sure there are loads more “Davy Moments,” we could talk about, but these three are mine. Granted, I wasn’t quite yet around for the original airing of his Brady Bunch episode. I caught up with it a few (15 or so) years later.

My Dad brought these Monkees into my life and I thank him for it.

Davy Jones, you are missed.

Thank you.

Take the last train to Clarksville,
Now I must hang up the phone.
I can’t hear you in this noisy railroad station all alone…

– Last Train To Clarksville, The Monkees, 1966


Tee For Tuesdays: New Kids On The Block “No More Games”

28 Feb

Well, my darlings, Come On, Mr. Sunshine has made it a full week. I didn’t know if it would actually happen, but it did. I’m grateful for those of you who have stuck around and for those of you who’ve told a friend. Now, as promised, here’s the second installment of Tee For Tuesdays!! 

NKOTB! Let’s Rock!

When I was in the third grade I went to my very first “official” concert. I mean, I’d seen Gene “Duke of Earl” Chandler at the Indianapolis Zoo, but this was my first time in an arena. This was my first blockbuster concert, people, and It. Was. Amazing. I was 8 and it was the New Kids On The Block, Hangin’ Tough tour. Holy shiz. I was all the way up in the nosebleed seats and my boyfriend Joey McIntyre was totally in the same room as me, albeit hundreds of feet away, but I knew he knew I was there.

Is it just me or does this video end inappropriately?

I wish I could tell you I got today’s t-shirt at that show. I wish I could tell you I got today’s t-shirt at any show, but alas, I got today’s t-shirt here:

PICTURED: 3000 crappy t-shirts, 4 awesome ones.

I’ll admit it, quite a few of my vintage tees came from thrift stores, but before you pounce on me saying I’m totally a “poser,” you have to know that I work hard to find these tees. I’ll spend hours sorting through thousands of Wilmette Park District Softball and Looney Tunes tees, sneezing my face off, until I find the perfect mix of nostalgia, kitsch and awesomesauce. Then I’ll take it home, cut the neck out of it and wear it till I can’t wears it no more.

As you can see from the photo on the front, Donnie Wahlberg was far too dangerous to be in a silly boyband so he masterminded the No More Games/Remix Album. Their new sound was gritty urban hip-hop. Gone were the days of “loving you forever.” The New Kids were dead, Long Live NKOTB!

See? They’re totally gangsta’. Donnie even included a shout-out to the baddest dude in town: Marky Mark.

NOT PICTURED: Funky Bunch, PICTURED: Third Nipple

So…

New Kids On The Block NKOTB – No More Games

Where it came from – Some thrift store somewhere in Indiana circa 1998

Why it’s awesome -Because this wasn’t just any New Kids tee. This was badass gansta’ New Kids. This was Donnie Wahlberg’s New Kids.

Why I have it -I genuinely love these guys. I don’t own this shirt ironically. Remember that concert I went to when I was 8? It has rivaled only one other concert since.

This was me 18 years later:

Total goon.


Teen beat.

New Kids On The Block: Live – The boys were back in town. I know what you’re probably thinking and I don’t give a shit….that concert was awesome. I cried like a little girl when I saw those 5 microphones lined up across the stage with hats hanging off of them. This was four years ago and I’m still talking about it. Most of my friends go to Wilco shows like they’re passing out free booze at them; I prefer to go to concerts where I can buy buttons as big as my head with Joey McIntyre on them. Thus is my lot in life.

Actually Me. Awesome Me.

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