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Heartbreaking Photo Of Real Life Catfish Caught On Camera

8 May

He said he was tall, slim, held a “leadership position” at work. He said he worked in law enforcement. When they talked on the phone, he had one of those voices that just made you feel safe, loved, relaxed. He sounded like the nicest man in the world. But sometimes, he would disappear. He wouldn’t be online, wouldn’t call or return texts for weeks at a time, like clockwork every couple years, but eventually he always got back to her, saying he was really busy “helping out his friend.” When she started getting suspicious she messaged his other Facebook friends. They had nothing but nice things to say about him. Worshiped him, she noticed. She understood. She was falling in love with him too. Finally a girl claiming to be his “sister,” Jessie, contacted her and said that he was ready to meet. They’d all be in New York for his sister’s upcoming wedding, to his best friend and that she should find the time to meet….IRL. It was now or never.

When she finally met him in Times Square, she realized she’d been toyed with all along.

image

Anything Can Happen On Halloween…

27 Oct

I love Halloween. LOVES IT.
I loves it like Tim Curry in the Worst Witch loves it. 

One year when I was in middle school I got three of my friends to dress as characters from Rocky Horror Picture Show. I was Columbia, my friend Julie was Magenta and my friends Trent & Libby were Brad and Janet. We made Trent and Libby wear name tags. The only person who knew who we were was the mayor of Lebanon, Indiana, Jim Acton. He was in a band, so he was totally hip.

Rock & Roll Acton was the best part of Halloween that year.

My boyfriend went Trick-or-Treating with us that year…he was dressed as Dead Kurt Cobain. He seriously ruined the continuity of our costumes. Jim didn’t mind. He called his wife to come out and see us. It was rad.

Another year my best friend Lauren and I dressed up as Bert & Ernie. My Mom made us masks out of fun foam and painted them. They. were. amahzing. It rained that year and the painted faces on our masks started dripping. We went from fairly straight forward adorable costumes to horrific Sesame Street zombies. It was also rad. I think we tried to snort Pixie Stix that year (I don’t recommend this)…middle school was fun.

Anyhoo…I thought I’d use the next couple days to share some of my most recent Halloween costumes. Maybe you’re stumped for ideas. Maybe you just like nice, neat, little split screen pictures of one girl’s past Halloween attempts at greatness. Maybe you’re stalking me. Whatever the case may be, here you go.

JANIS JOPLIN

“Get it while you can.”

HOW TO: To take a generic “Hippie” costume and make her Janis you just need to add long brown hair and a one of these iconic “Janis-y” touches. A Boa on your head, the round glasses, fur boots, fur hat, bottle of Southern Comfort, lots of necklaces. I should clarify, don’t take a Halloween store “Hippie” costume because they’re always gross, but just find some vintagy normal pieces that make you look like a badass cool chick circa 1967. Be loud, be fabulous and emit an air of massive confidence to over compensate for the crippling pain and insecurity inside. Boom. Janis.

CHUCKY FROM CHILD’S PLAY

This was an attempt to overcome the childhood trauma Chucky caused. It worked…a little.

When I was 7 I saw a preview for Child’s Play on TV. Catherine Hicks checks his batteries and sees there aren’t any, then his head spins around and he says “Hi, I’m Chucky, wanna play?” It was at this exact moment in my young life that I experienced true fear. When I got home I immediately banished Baby Talk and Teddy Ruxpin to the closet, where they spent the rest of their lives locked up so they couldn’t murder me in my sleep. Chucky proceeded to terrify me from that day forward. One time I was playing a claw game in a restaurant and the stuffed animal I picked up with the claw revealed a Chucky plush doll underneath. It was horrible. Anyway…I’ve finally come to grips with my irrational fear and now love Chucky for the foul-mouthed precious old man that he is.

HOW TO: Primary colored striped shirt. Overalls. I painted the “Good Guys” logo (ok…my Mom did) and ironed on a bunch of random little kid theme patches. I bought the plastic knife and painted it like the original poster. Red tennis shoes. Red hair. Say bad words and stab people.
You are Chucky.

SHAUN FROM SHAUN OF THE DEAD

“You’ve got red on you.”

This was the same year I was “Chucky.” If I’m going out more than once I don’t like to repeat my costume…because I’m a freak. This was completely last-minute. I walked down the street to Village Discount thrift store and bought the shirt and tie. Made the name tag on the computer and blooded up.

HOW TO: White men’s button down shirt, black pants, red tie, “SHAUN” name tag from FOREE ELECTRIC. I wore the same red Chucks I wore for “Chucky.” (Pun not intended but appreciated). Splash blood on your face and paint your hands with blood and grab your shirt so there are bloody hand-prints on it. If you have a cricket bat you’re a better man than I. I just drank beer all night and talked with a British accent.

LAUREL MCGOFF FROM KID NATION

Laurel McGoff is my hero.

I already explained my love for Laurel and Kid Nation here. I miss that show. This “How To” is not how to be “Laurel” exactly, but more how to achieve what I did that year.

HOW TO: Pick an obscure character from a reality TV show that you love (no one from the Jersey Shore counts as obscure, by the way). Re-create as many of their iconic traits that you can. For example: Jeff Lewis has perfect hair and wears shirts with collars. He also has shiny plump lips. Carry some color swatches if you need to. Be prepared to explain who you are to people all night and for them to stare at you blankly when you excitedly assure them that “I look just like her!” So what did I achieve that year? The perfect joy of accomplishment when one person sees you across the room, knows exactly who you’re dressed as and thinks you are the most amazing person on Earth. They will buy you drinks all night and tell all their friends that you are the funniest, smartest person at the party/bar. I imagine that it’s fairly similar to what the actual person you’re dressed as experiences in life. You’ve become a Z-list Reality Star*. Congratulations!

That’s all for now…I have to go start putting on my costume for this year.

????

Hmmm…what could it be? There’s a hint around here someplace…if’n you need it.

Come on, guess.

*Dear Jeff Lewis, I do NOT think you’re Z-list. That was for comedy purposes. I apologize. I love you more than words. I want to be your friend. Call me, maybe?

Comics, Costumes & More Awkward Celebrity Encounters: Our Adventure at C2E2, 2012

18 Apr

Hey…wanna’ know what I did this weekend? No?

Tough.

It was the third annual Chicago Comic & Entertainment Expo (C2E2) at McCormick Place – I got my groovy Stephen King tattoo back in 2010 at the first one.

C2E2, 2010: Check out Kelly Rogers at Gearhead Tattoo! Hurray!

The second year I went by myself and wandered aimlessly for about 3 hours before coming home with only a  leather diary thing that I still haven’t given to its intended recipient. Sorry Cori.

This year, however, was pretty f’ing decent if I do say so myself. KJack and I had to wait until Sunday to go which is usually the shittiest of days to attend a Con, but this year it was badass!

We're Grimey.

He's not in the house.

KJack wore his Rick Grimes Halloween costume and because I knew that a full zombie face make-up was gauranteed to have me itchy and irritated by noon, I opted to dress as Lori (which consisted of wearing clothes I already had and rolling my jeans up too high while screaming “Where’s Carl!??!” all day) instead of the Little Zombie Girl.

Last I heard, he was in the house.

The Con started at 10am and in classic K&CJack form we got there an hour later…whatevs, time means nothing to the nerdy.

Kirk immediately stopped at a t-shirt booth where we got matching Game of Thrones shirts for House Targaryen. I’m now immediately irritated because I need to look at everything first before I start deciding to spend money and I’m incapable of stopping at booths with pushy salespeople without buying something. God love ’em, WWF Wrestler Virgil is $25 richer due to the stellar combination of KJack stopping every time someone talks to him and my desire to just buy something so they’ll let me go away.

You win. Here's $25.

As my Mother has an unhealthy love for John Barrowman and because I’m an awesome daughter, I stood in line for an hour and a half to get her his autograph. I don’t generally do autographs as I feel like a goon once I get up there and I have no clue what I’ll do with them once I have them and also, because I’m of the assumption that they’ll want my autograph in a few years anyway so we may as well do an even swap then, but stood in line I did.

I've never seen more people dressed like a phone booth in my entire life.

Who knows where the hell KJack went while I was playing Draw Something and Words With Friends…maybe he was looking for Carl.

I did finally make it up to Barrowman, who seemed to loose interest in me when I said “Can you sign this for my Mom?” He was nice and all, but it felt like a Rex Manning moment and I think he thought I was some douchebag who didn’t care about him. He’s so wrong. I love him. Even if he was slightly bitchy…hell, I love him BECAUSE he’s slightly bitchy. There was a group of four chicks in their 50’s ahead of me that were wearing t-shirts that said BARROWLAND BRIGADE. I don’t know what it is about middle aged women and adorable gay men, but they were pretty stoked.

I wanted to tell him that The Making of Me was the most brilliant thing I’ve ever seen, that he was totally at the top of the “Celebrities That Could Come To My BBQ” list, that I think he’s probably one of the kindest, most decent people on Earth, that I’d give my left tit to sing just one verse of one song with him!! Instead, I asked him “How he was holding up” and said “My Mom loves you…we all love you.”

Then KJack took our picture and I ran away.

Pay no attention to the man behind the Time Agent.

While in line I caught glimpses of Nicky Brendon to the left and Val Kilmer  a table to the right.

I don't know where he went...the house, maybe?

I was on Buffy...remember Buffy?

.

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.

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I do love an Awkward Celebrity Encounter.

Moving on…

From there we hit Artist Alley where KJack geeked out all over Eric Powell and while he totally wanted to buy something of his, most everything was sold out and all Powell had left was a book full of fucking awesome giant panels for hundreds of dollars. I suggested KJack start blowing people near the bathrooms and then perhaps we could come back for some sweetass artwork….that didn’t pan out.

It was here we had our Virgil moment and after trying to walk away 6 times we finally succeeded when the guy at the table next to him gave me a flyer for something…I wish I could remember what he was promoting because I owe him my life.

Then we ran into a guy Kirk went to High School with, Steve Gadlin, who was selling cat drawings. Apparently this dude’s a genius because he went on Shark Tank with this idea and Mark Cuban gave him a shitload of money. He’s hilarious. Go. Check him out at I Want To Draw A Cat For You! I’m going to insist he become our new Best Friend. I’m quite sure he won’t mind.

At this point my feet hurt and I’ve looked everywhere for Carl, but to no avail.

Not Carl.

Quite a few people stopped KJack for his picture but very few got that I was supposed to be Lori. This may have been due to the fact that I look too…shall we say…well-fed. I’ve searched through thousands of pictures from Sunday, but I can’t find me anywhere! At least three people took pity on me and let me be in Rick’s picture, but they clearly don’t post to Flickr.

.

.I took one picture with one dude in costume and it. was. divine. I love you, Guy-Dressed-As-DJ-Lance-Rock.

.So that was C2E2 2012. We got a bunch of crap and had a great time. My feet tried to kill me and I refused to take public transportation home. A $30 cab ride later and we were home.

PICTURED: JB & V's autographs, California Raisins, Muppet Caper McDonald's glass, Gremlin book and audio record, 90210 "big button," Married With Children game, All In The Family game, NBC Trivia game, Shaolin Cowboy comic, Crossed comic, 2 Game of Thrones t-shirts, 1 Shining t-shirt, 1 Firefly t-shirt, Mal's replica hand gun, Tony Moore Rick Grimes autographed print, Dynamite Magazine and four Janet Lee prints. NOT PICTURED: Carl.


Blog! From Blammo!

2 Apr

Sometimes my brain is teeming with blog post ideas. Sometimes it’s not.

 Recently, it’s been more often not.

 Maybe it’s due to the fact that currently, I’m preoccupied with rehearsals and line learning and trying to figure out how the hell I’m going to sing Disco Inferno and Blondie’s Maria while dressed in a burlap sack and itchy wig while looking cool and without vomiting. I’ve been an actor for 25 years and I still am overwhelmed with paranoia and nerves for the entire process leading up to opening night. One would think this would deter me from this whole “theatre thing,” but apparently I’m a masochist. I’m generally paranoid and terrified much of my day anyway, so no big.

 Since I’ve neglected my little blog here I felt oh so terrible for you, my Intermittent Readers, and felt that I must post something brilliant today to satiate you for at least 3 days until my next post.

 I Googled “blog post ideas.”

 I’m sorry, but I did. I’m grossed out that I even did this because why even write a blog if you can’t organically generate your own content. Why write if you have nothing to say? It’s not as if I’m Perez Hilton and legions of teenagers will crumble if they’re not getting a constant deluge of pictures of giant pregnant Jessica Simpson. I’m just some gal who occasionally posts mildly funny things and then repeatedly screams at her friends, “WHY AREN’T YOU READING MY BLOG?!” I love that there are a few of you out there that genuinely seem to enjoy some of my postings and I feel guilty when I can’t provide you with hilarious and timely content and it’s for you that I sunk so low as to find myself here: The Blog Post Generator

 But WAIT! SURPRISE TWIST ENDING…there is an endless sea of hilarity to be found here!!!

 All one is to do is click “Create” and then take whatever topical and thought provoking “idea” this generator generates and head back over to your blog and prepare to be Freshly Pressed.

Let’s explore:

The plot was decent, but it left me hungry for more.

James Taylor? That British band I've never heard of and only found through Google? James Cagney?

Number 1: It's not General Hospital.

This one is actually pretty good. Buffy is "one of my favorites." It's my favorite TV show, my favorite color and my favorite food. It is NOT my favorite movie.

That it's no longer on the air?

Yogurt or yoghurt (other spellings listed below; US: /ˈjoʊɡərt/, UK: /ˈjɒɡət/) is a dairy product produced by bacterial fermentation of milk."
Done.

If I used this idea, would I just put the question out there and hope my readers provide me with the information about curling I so desperately desire?

Remember when Jerry Van Dyke was the Big Lots spokesperson? That was a match made in Heaven, don't ya' think?

I don't.

You know, it's stuff like this that gets Bloggers stereotyped on TV shows like The Office.

I mean, Jerry and his Big Lots commercials I can handle, but Dick Van Dyke and his crime solving?!!? I just can't DEAL WITH THAT!!!!!

oh my.

It was at this point that I called it quits, because hitting that “create” button one too many times apparently calls forth an evil that I was not prepared for.

So that ends my adventure with a blog post generator. I will never Google “blog post ideas” ever again and I will just accept the fact that some days, I’m just going to be unable to bring the funny.

One thing that did come out of this though is the giant list of topics I will now inevitably blog about:


A Movie Review By CJack: Joss Whedon & Drew Goddard’s “The Cabin In The Woods”

27 Mar

As my first “official” movie review here at Come On, Mr. Sunshine, we’re going to talk about Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard’s new “horror” movie, The Cabin in the Woods.

Thanks to KJack’s comic book guy connections, we got to go to an advanced screening of the movie last night, which officially premiered earlier this month at SXSW and opens wide, April 13th. 

To be perfectly honest, I was all “Whateves…I’ll go see this movie ’cause it’s free…Joss wrote it so at least it might have some decent writing over whatever cliched schlocky twists and turns The Man forced them to include. It’ll probably try really hard to set us up and then get us with a ‘gotcha moment.’ There will be some laughs and then I’ll go home and be pissed that I missed Smash. It’ll be Frailty, but in hilarious Buffy-speak!”

I was wrong.

It was one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. Best. It was exactly what I wanted it to be and exactly the opposite of what the trailer makes it out to be. It was pure, piping hot, fresh out of the oven, unadulterated AWESOME! Now…onto the actual “review” portion of this movie…..

How you doin'?

For those of you who found this post by Googling “cabin in the woods movie review” or “cabin in the woods spoilers,” I have one thing to say to you…

KNOCK. IT. THE. FUCK. OFF!!!!

Seriously, stop it.

Make this the last thing you read about the movie. End it. Search no more. Lay off. Let it go. Forget it. Resist the urge to look any further into this matter and go back to using the interwebs for porn.

Please. 

There is only one thing you need to worry yourself with and it’s this…

Unless you’re a child….because it’s rated R and it’s full of blood and a little bit of boobs and the fuck word….

…you probably shouldn’t be reading this blog either, by the way.

“I knew that Elmo should represent love” – Being Elmo

22 Mar

Have you seen Being Elmo? Well you should, because it’s wonderful. Wonderful!! Last night I came home (still mildly sick from the Great Food Poisoning of 2012) attempted to do some Wii Fit (that little jerkface keeps calling me obese…he’s gonna’ get punched) and after spending 25 minutes Island Cycling until I wanted to die I sat my butt down on the couch.

Since the Wii was still on I figured I’d drop by Netflix to see what was new. If someone were to profile people based on the things they choose to watch on Netflix, I’m sure I’d be on some sort of list, but that’s a post for another day.

Instead of heading to the “Recommended For You” category (I wasn’t in the mood for horrific movies about serial killers…not yesterday anyway), I went to  “New Releases” and there it was, the second movie offered, Being Elmo, the documentary about Kevin Clash. The man behind the muppet.

Four minutes in and I was already sobbing. Granted, I’m a crier, but this was almost too much to Fozzie bear.

1) I love the Muppets! I love that they love so much. It’s all Jim Henson’s fault as I’m quite sure he was the most wonderful human being to ever walk the Earth and he made it his mission to surround himself with like-minded, hilarious, badass loving folk like himself. 

2) I love a story about a kid doing something they love regardless of what others think. The son of a blue collar factory worker (George) and home daycare operator (Gladys), Kevin grew up in a suburb of Baltimore, Maryland. He would build puppets and put on shows for the kids his Mother cared for. His first stage, a blanket tossed over the clothesline in the backyard. He was a teenage boy that played with dolls when everyone (save for George and Gladys) thought he should be playing basketball. Lesser men would have caved under the pressure to fit in. Not Kevin. He’s my hero.

3) The only thing more wonderful to me than a kid following his dreams, is a kid with parents who bust their butts to make sure those dreams come true. Mr. & Mrs. Clash are absolutely divine. You want to know how good children become great people, then look to George and Gladys. They weren’t rich, they couldn’t buy Kevin boatloads of blue fur and googly eyes, but when a young Kevin spied the brown fur-like lining of his Father’s trench coat and thought “I could make a monkey out of that” and then proceeded to “make a monkey out of that,” he got a pretty groovy reaction from his parents. He left the puppet on their dresser and like any little boy who’d just destroyed his Dad’s (maybe only) coat would do, hid. They found him and the first thing his Father said to him? “What’s his name?” Amazeballs. So they told him that next time he should probably ask first and his Mother noted that as talented as this kid is, “Someday, he can buy you a new coat, George.” At one point in the film, someone (Whoopie, maybe?) points out that Elmo isn’t just the love and kindness that’s inside Kevin, Elmo is how much George and Gladys loved Kevin. I gots parents like this too. It’s pretty much the best thing ever.

Now, I’m not saying the guy walks on water or anything, he has his problems. He’s got a daughter who would have liked her Daddy around everyday, but being Elmo for millions of other kids takes up a lot of time, ya’ know? Elmo may be a “furry red monster,” but Kevin Clash is only human.

I didn’t just sit there and sob through the whole thing though…right around the time they showed a clip of a Jim Henson special where he was teaching viewers how to make their own puppets I may or may not have gotten a bit distracted…..

Sup?

That’s Claude.

He’s what happens when CJack has plenty of things around the house that need to be done, but she ends up watching movies about Muppets instead.

KJack came home to a pile of felt and hot glue.

I know, you’re totes jealous.

***FYI – DIY***

Claude was made out of a furry orange sock; an orange ponytail holder (slipped around his head and in his mouth to keep it defined); yellow, white and dark brown felt and hot glue. That’s it. Insta-friend. I haven’t decided yet, but he’s probably British.


The ABC’s of the Zombie Apocalypse – B is for BRAIIINNNSSS!

12 Mar

Today’s post will contain absolutely NO SPOILERS about Walking Dead…However, I’m dying to talk about it!! Next time, C is for CONSEQUENCE and I’ll have plenty to say…so make sure you’re caught up by then. So, today, I give you…

B is for BRAAIIINNNSS!

So we all know that Zombies eat brains, right?

I mean, that’s what the t-shirts tell us so it MUST be true!

PICTURED: Uninformed T-Shirt & A Shot Ski

Except they don’t, do they?

As I think back on what I know of Zombies, I can’t for the life of me remember one instance where a staggering, undead version of grandma ever really got down to it and took a bone saw to someone’s skull in order to get to the delicious brains inside. That seems like a whole hell of a lot of work for a species that isn’t particularly known for problem solving.

In fact, they seem to go for whatever is within biting distance.

Faces tend to get eaten a lot. And why not? When you’re standing face to rotting face the easiest thing to do is reach out, grab head, pull forward, eat face. I guess we could assume that the beeline towards the face could be an indication that they’re aiming for brains in their bellies and not cheek skin, but I don’t think so.

George Romero doesn’t think so either. Apparently Dan O’Bannon is to blame.

However, the concept of human brains as the Zombie equivalent to Aspirin seems to have died with O’Bannon’s foray into Zombie flicks.

Yet, when it comes to merchandising, it’s stuck.

Games, Blogs, Dessert Plates, Headbands, etc…

Lunch Bags even.

There seems to be no end to the production & creation of things (Totally cool things, no less!) that tell us that Zombies eat brains.

But they don’t, do they?

Have we all been lied to by the media? Is someone trying to hide the truth by feeding us misinformation!?!?

Just what are we, the brave survivors of this Zombie Apocalypse, supposed to believe?!!

Look, here’s the dilly, yo. Zombies don’t eat brains, but they sure as shit WANT brains, because they know they’re missing.

We’re mistakenly led to believe that when the Undead head for our heads it’s because their bellies crave the gray matter. When we hear the occasional Zombie, who’s lungs and trachea haven’t yet rotted, mutter “braaaiiinnnnssss,” we are conditioned to think that it’s like a hungry bear’s roar or a starving rabid dog’s bark. This makes it all the more easy to take them down, put them out of their misery. They’re just the husks of people after all. Mindless, hungry for brains and human flesh monsters with absolutely no connection to the person they once were.

Are you sure about that?

Let’s look at TWD‘s first episode. That little girl stopped and picked up that teddy bear.

Why come? Is she hungry for sweet, delicious plush brains? No. She remembers it. The brain (or part of the brain) is what’s keeping these Zombies up and running after all. So why wouldn’t there be some remnants of the person that once was?

Maybe we’re led to believe that a Zombie’s only desire for brains is of the evil, all consuming variety and not the last flailing attempts to communicate that they’re still in there somewhere and maybe they could find their way back to life, if they only had more brains.

So why the conditioning towards the former? Maybe it’s so we don’t start locking Zombies in barns and backyard sheds. Can you imagine the programs the Post-ZA world would have to put in place to care for Pet Zombies if we didn’t destroy them all? The laws that would have to be put in place? The insurance?

Maybe our future actually looks a lot more like this…

Then again, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe there’s no such thing as Zombies….maybe it’s all an intricate metaphor for the actual world we live in, but what would really be the fun in that?

Pop Quiz, Asshole…

10 Mar

When I'm feeling all angry-like, I hold the phone just like this too.

What do you do when you have zero dollars,

Your Husband is off playing RPG’s with a bunch o’ nerds,

You kinda’ feel like shit and have no motivation to do anything with your day?

You lay in bed and sleep on and off for 12 hours straight, waking up every so often to notice that time doesn’t seem to be passing because Speed is still on, which means you’ve only been asleep for, like, 20 minutes (in actuality AMC played Speed 7 times today. What. The. Hell?) so you might as well go back to sleep because Jeff Daniels hasn’t even been blown up yet.

Don't mind me, I'm just sittin' here bein' adorable.

Can I talk about J.D. for just a sec?

I love him. Plain and simple as that, I love him.

Let’s take a brief look at some of his movies, shall we? Except for Speed.

Fuck Speed.

Arachnophobia (1990)

He’s Dr. Ross Jennings, a small town doctor, father and husband. He’s completely precious in every way and gosh darnit! Why can’t the old fuddy-duddies in this town realize he’s on to something with this whole “spider thing” dammit?!?!

They should have listened to him sooner.

Also, notable for John Goodman’s performance as Delbert.

Also, notable again, because I remember when we saw it in the movie theatre my Dad left right as the spider shit started to hit the fan and went to go watch (I think) Die Hard 2 in the instead.

A “thrillomedy?” Really?!?! That’s badass, why have I never heard that word before!??! Apparently, this term refers only to Arachnophobia, Reaper & Chuck. Huh, who knew?

Pleasantville (1998)

I will cry every single time I watch this movie. This time our Jeff goes totally against type and plays the adorable, understanding, sweet diner owner, Bill Johnson. Oh, wait…nope, that’s totally his type and I love it. He likes to paint and love Joan Allen from afar while suffering silently as the mean old fuddy-duddies in the town throw trashcans through his window. They’re mean and he’s awesome. Tears. Every. Single. Time.

I do love a movie where you get sucked into the TV.

Paper Man (2009)

Fantastic movie!! FANTASTIC!! Mildly depressing, but fantastic. J.D. is Richard Dunn, adorable, misunderstood struggling writer. He’s married to Lisa Kudrow, but not quirky, lovable, Phoebe-Lisa-Kudrow, more like the Phoebe in the alternate universe of that one Friends episode where Monica was still fat.

Anyhoo…he meets Emma Stone and the two become besties. He has an imaginary friend that’s a superhero (played by that Ryan Reynolds fella’ from the hit show Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place.) Eventually, their friendship is misunderstood by his stupid fuddy-duddy wife and his house is trashed by mean fuddy-duddy teenagers, but he hangs in there and never stops being adorable. I called the “surprise twist ending” about half-way through, but guessing movie endings is my superpower. I highly suggest you watch this. If only to watch the movie where Emma Stone and Kieran Culkin fell in love.

It’s good, ya’ll. For reals.

Now to watch some Game of Thrones and maybe take a nap before watching creepy Skinny-Jonah-Hill on SNL.

Let’s bring this full circle and watch J.D. on SNL.

Enjoy your commercial, then enjoy the adorable.

Tee For Tuesdays – Lou Costello Meets The Wolfman

6 Mar

Yeah, yeah, I know…it was really Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, but for the purpose of today’s post it stands.

Today is Lou Costello’s birthday, which made me think about when Lou met the Wolfman (among others) which made me think of Phil’s quote from last week’s Modern Family:

“It’s like when the Wolfman, Dracula and Frankenstein show up in the same movie….EXCEPT IT’S NOT AWESOME!!”

Which made me think about wolf t-shirts, which brings me to today’s t-shirts which ARE Awesome!!!

“I’m sorry…did you say “shirts?” Plural??!!?”

Why, yes, yes I did. Ladies & Gentlemen I give to you…a DOUBLE DOSE of…

CJack & Bestie Cori's Wolfpack

First, ONE MAN WOLFPACK

WHY: I like Zach Galifianakis and he makes me happy (not that you could tell that from the picture). Also it’s super soft and a lovely shade of navy blue.

WHERE: I’m too embarrassed to tell you where I got it.

AWESOME BECAUSE: ZACH GALIFIANAKIS!!!!

Side Note: It was really, REALLY sunny out…clearly I wasn’t as prepared as the Menfolk in this picture.

Now, because I like things to come full circle, I present to you TEE #2 – THREE TEEN WOLF MOON!!! Modeled by that devastatingly handsome fella’ in the Wolfpack picture (the big one, not the tiny one.)

Bask in his glory.

WHY: Christmas gift from CJack

WHERE: 80sTees.com – Super awesome t-shirt website!! Go. Buy. NOW!

AWESOME BECAUSE: Did you not read the name of the shirt? Only slightly better than the original. Contains totally different powers though. When you wear it, it makes you Awesome at basketball, a bit shaky, but still Awesome.


The ABC’s of the Zombie Apocalypse – A is for AMMO

27 Feb

The suspenders keep his torso from ripping away from his legs.

I’ll preface this by saying that if you haven’t watched last night’s The Walking Dead yet you may want to hold off reading this as it’s more than likely going to contain SPOILERSThis particular post is pretty clear! No fear! (it does, however, contain rhymes.)

While these ABC’s will ideally be general guidelines for any and all zombie apocalypses*, chances are I’m writing this with T.W.D. on the brain.

A is for AMMO

In last night’s episode of T.W.D., “18 Miles Out,” our gang of survivors finally acknowledged the fact that maybe they should stop using up all their ammo on lone walkers and swinging logs. Up until this point, it’s seemed like they were working off the assumption that bullets grow on trees, so much so that Shane once spent an hour in the swamp with Andrea…shooting trees.

You shoot the damn log Andrea! That's the log that killed Amy!!!

In worlds outside of Kirkman’s T.W.D., bullets don’t flow so freely. Hell,

NOT PICTURED: Guns

if you’re in the UK you’re going want to hold onto whatever guns/bullets you can find because unlike in the US, guns aren’t as readily available. Shaun had to use that cricket bat because the time it takes to get a license for a handgun would have interfered with trivia night at the Winchester.

In my opinion, Rick’s view on ammunition conservation is that of a man who still has a unique hope. It’s not a hope that this world is going to be what it once was. It’s not even a hope for a world without Zombies. It’s a hope that they will keep surviving and will need those bullets in the years ahead. I don’t think Shane and Andrea share that hope. I also think that whatever they’ve got running around in their heads makes them reckless to boot. They don’t seem to care that gunfire attracts Zombies, because who gives a shit right? They can keep just keep knocking them off one by one because they’re ultra-amazing sharp shooting badasses and gee, doesn’t it feel awesome to put a bullet in the brain of a Walker (or a Daryl). “Look Ma! I shots one!”

Conversely, one can argue that the Shanes and Andreas of the world do have hope. They are the antithesis of the Ricks and Loris. They DO see a world without Zombies or they are at least headed towards the light at the end of the tunnel whereas Rick and Lori would rather just build a nice cozy fire in the middle of that tunnel and stay put.

I’m not sure which camp I’d be in. If I had a husband and kid maybe I’d be satisfied to hunker down and “create stability.” But if I’m on my own, do I really want to sit back and live the rest of my probably short life watching the happy family I’m not going to have and occasionally anger-banging the one or two other single guys in the group? Probably not, I’m probably going to push on and try to find out what’s going on or at least try to find a bigger pool of survivors to increase my odds of making my own little post-apocalyptic family.

So, to shoot or not to shoot? I’d say it really depends on what you’re hoping for.

If the shit hit the fan tomorrow and KJack and I made it out maybe I’d hold onto the ammo we stole from the bodega next door for the longterm, but if KJack didn’t make it and I’m on my own, then feck it, I gotta’ get through today using whatever I have on hand and if I have to find more ammo, so be it.

Or we'd just live a nice life as Zombies in love...with eating faces.

Totally Non-Zombie Related:
*This made me think of Buffy episode “A New Man,” when Riley says; “I suddenly find myself needing to know the plural of apocalypse” One of the best episodes of BtVS. Giles turns into a Fyarl demon and only Spike could understand him as, of course, Spike speaks Fyarl. Any time Spike and Giles were partnered it was awesome.
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