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#Second City Karaoke – Competitive Karaoke?

6 May
Stop. Collaborate. And. Listen.

Stop. Collaborate. And. Listen.

I’ve signed up for Second City Karaoke – I can’t wait to tell you all about it. The seedy underbelly of Competitive Karaoke. Starts next week. There’s already drama. Shit’s gonna’ get real.

Stay tuned.




I’m Still Alive….I’ve Been Cross Stitching. Don’t Be Jealous.

12 Feb

I'm Still Alive....I've Been Cross Stitching. Don't Be Jealous.

I’m still here. I swear. There should be a Zombie ABC entry coming in the near future. In the meantime, I’ve been using all available free time to cross stitch a photo realistic picture of Judy Garland hugging a teenage Liza Minnelli. Because that’s how I do.


You're about to be XSTITCHED!

You’re about to be XSTITCHED!

From Angela Chase to Zombie Girl: A Trip Down Halloween Costume Lane

30 Oct

Hi again! I have more past costumes to share and I have pictures from this weekend’s Halloweening.

What was I you asked? I was “Max” from 2 Broke Girls. My friend Sarah was “Caroline” and KJack was “Oleg.” I’m pretty dang proud of us this year. We did a friggin’ sweet job if I do say so myself. Take a look….

The Real Deal

The Halloween Edition w/ CJack, KJack & Sarah

It’s a damn shame that we weren’t anywhere with a costume contest because we totally would have won all the prizes….once people figured out who we were. Poor Sarah was stuck for 3 hours without me and KJack and while some people shouted “Caroline Channing!” at her, she got some “Are you a slutty waitress?” Ugh. Once the band was back together all was right in the Halloween world. Oh! As my “Caroline” was outside in front of the bar, some chick walked by and said her friend wrote for the show and wanted our picture, so that was pretty groovy! Beth Behrs retweeted our picture and the few compliments from 2 Broke Girls fans were pretty cool. The one dude who pointed out that we weren’t as “hot” as the originals apparently felt the need to both tweet the obvious and rain on my parade, but alas, ’tis hard being a star. 

Keeping in theme with my last post here’s some more side-by-sides of Halloweens past. Enjoy!


“School is a battlefield…for your heart.”

HOW TO: Overalls, flannel, Doc Martens, red shoulder-length hair, heaps of teen angst. Maybe the easiest costume of them all.


To whom it concerns, this costume is awesome.

HOW TO: Recycle the teen angst from last year’s “Angela” costume and add sarcasm and wit and you have Darlene. Also Needed: Long, black curly wig, black combat boots, black sweater, black jeans, chicken shirt. I will warn you that this was pretty much the only year that not a single person knew who I was. One guy did get close by yelling “Hey! You’re dressed up as Roseanne!” at me. I thought the wig was a dead give-away, but apparently not. joy.


Oh, Paz.

I know, I know, I was really just in a semi-generic 1920’s costume, but we told everyone we were “Nucky & Lucy.”

HOW TO: Lie.



This was last year’s costume. I’ll take all the accolades please. Thank you.

HOW TO: I just went out and got replicas (as close as I could) of the pieces of her costume. Bunny slippers, blonde wig, white robe (burned and torn), pink pajamas. As for the face, used copious amounts of liquid latex and toilet paper and found a Youtube tutorial where some guy shows you how to use a paperclip and a rubber band to hold your face open. For some reason, I can’t find the original video, but I’ll keep looking and update this if I find it! I’m still pissed that I put my forehead wound on the wrong side.

As you can see, I’m a big fan of Pop Culture TV costumes. So are my friends.

Bethenny Frankel & Max – Besties for life.

We drank Skinnygirl wine all night…it did not make me skinny, but it made me drunk enough that I didn’t care.

Anything Can Happen On Halloween…

27 Oct

I love Halloween. LOVES IT.
I loves it like Tim Curry in the Worst Witch loves it. 

One year when I was in middle school I got three of my friends to dress as characters from Rocky Horror Picture Show. I was Columbia, my friend Julie was Magenta and my friends Trent & Libby were Brad and Janet. We made Trent and Libby wear name tags. The only person who knew who we were was the mayor of Lebanon, Indiana, Jim Acton. He was in a band, so he was totally hip.

Rock & Roll Acton was the best part of Halloween that year.

My boyfriend went Trick-or-Treating with us that year…he was dressed as Dead Kurt Cobain. He seriously ruined the continuity of our costumes. Jim didn’t mind. He called his wife to come out and see us. It was rad.

Another year my best friend Lauren and I dressed up as Bert & Ernie. My Mom made us masks out of fun foam and painted them. They. were. amahzing. It rained that year and the painted faces on our masks started dripping. We went from fairly straight forward adorable costumes to horrific Sesame Street zombies. It was also rad. I think we tried to snort Pixie Stix that year (I don’t recommend this)…middle school was fun.

Anyhoo…I thought I’d use the next couple days to share some of my most recent Halloween costumes. Maybe you’re stumped for ideas. Maybe you just like nice, neat, little split screen pictures of one girl’s past Halloween attempts at greatness. Maybe you’re stalking me. Whatever the case may be, here you go.


“Get it while you can.”

HOW TO: To take a generic “Hippie” costume and make her Janis you just need to add long brown hair and a one of these iconic “Janis-y” touches. A Boa on your head, the round glasses, fur boots, fur hat, bottle of Southern Comfort, lots of necklaces. I should clarify, don’t take a Halloween store “Hippie” costume because they’re always gross, but just find some vintagy normal pieces that make you look like a badass cool chick circa 1967. Be loud, be fabulous and emit an air of massive confidence to over compensate for the crippling pain and insecurity inside. Boom. Janis.


This was an attempt to overcome the childhood trauma Chucky caused. It worked…a little.

When I was 7 I saw a preview for Child’s Play on TV. Catherine Hicks checks his batteries and sees there aren’t any, then his head spins around and he says “Hi, I’m Chucky, wanna play?” It was at this exact moment in my young life that I experienced true fear. When I got home I immediately banished Baby Talk and Teddy Ruxpin to the closet, where they spent the rest of their lives locked up so they couldn’t murder me in my sleep. Chucky proceeded to terrify me from that day forward. One time I was playing a claw game in a restaurant and the stuffed animal I picked up with the claw revealed a Chucky plush doll underneath. It was horrible. Anyway…I’ve finally come to grips with my irrational fear and now love Chucky for the foul-mouthed precious old man that he is.

HOW TO: Primary colored striped shirt. Overalls. I painted the “Good Guys” logo (ok…my Mom did) and ironed on a bunch of random little kid theme patches. I bought the plastic knife and painted it like the original poster. Red tennis shoes. Red hair. Say bad words and stab people.
You are Chucky.


“You’ve got red on you.”

This was the same year I was “Chucky.” If I’m going out more than once I don’t like to repeat my costume…because I’m a freak. This was completely last-minute. I walked down the street to Village Discount thrift store and bought the shirt and tie. Made the name tag on the computer and blooded up.

HOW TO: White men’s button down shirt, black pants, red tie, “SHAUN” name tag from FOREE ELECTRIC. I wore the same red Chucks I wore for “Chucky.” (Pun not intended but appreciated). Splash blood on your face and paint your hands with blood and grab your shirt so there are bloody hand-prints on it. If you have a cricket bat you’re a better man than I. I just drank beer all night and talked with a British accent.


Laurel McGoff is my hero.

I already explained my love for Laurel and Kid Nation here. I miss that show. This “How To” is not how to be “Laurel” exactly, but more how to achieve what I did that year.

HOW TO: Pick an obscure character from a reality TV show that you love (no one from the Jersey Shore counts as obscure, by the way). Re-create as many of their iconic traits that you can. For example: Jeff Lewis has perfect hair and wears shirts with collars. He also has shiny plump lips. Carry some color swatches if you need to. Be prepared to explain who you are to people all night and for them to stare at you blankly when you excitedly assure them that “I look just like her!” So what did I achieve that year? The perfect joy of accomplishment when one person sees you across the room, knows exactly who you’re dressed as and thinks you are the most amazing person on Earth. They will buy you drinks all night and tell all their friends that you are the funniest, smartest person at the party/bar. I imagine that it’s fairly similar to what the actual person you’re dressed as experiences in life. You’ve become a Z-list Reality Star*. Congratulations!

That’s all for now…I have to go start putting on my costume for this year.


Hmmm…what could it be? There’s a hint around here someplace…if’n you need it.

Come on, guess.

*Dear Jeff Lewis, I do NOT think you’re Z-list. That was for comedy purposes. I apologize. I love you more than words. I want to be your friend. Call me, maybe?

My “Private” Post

12 Oct

Hello My Lovelies,

I’ve not forgotten you. I swear. In fact, I have an obscenely long post coming up for you that’s currently all “private” and shiz. The third letter in the Zombie Apocalypse ABC’s…..

C is for CONSEQUENCES!!!!!!!!!!

I know, I know, you’re totes excited. I am too.

Remember me?

I apologize for my absence. Life has gotten in the way and my writing has fallen victim to the time suckage that is work & theatre. Some of you have probably forgotten all about me, some of you have tossed my bookmark aside as you think I’m dead and gone, but I’m still here.

See you soon.

What I Did Over My Summer Vacation…

10 Jul

Hello Friends! I’m back, but currently out of action. Had a fantastic time with Family Weber and am sickly. Here’s a sneak peek at what we spent one of our days doing…

Is that a vagina on your face or are you just happy to see me?

She Came Back.

Vacation is Nigh.

30 Jun

My dearest Intermittant Readers,

Don’t fret, I love you all terribly, but life has reared its ugly head. However, I’m off to a fabulous vacation to see Bestie Cori and the rest of the Webs clan….mayhaps there will be blogging time hidden amongst the Kanasas fun.


Here’s some pretty pictures I’ve taken in the past few months for you to look at.

I like your face.

Keep Calm And Carry Your Head.

Terrifying & Delicious live here.
I’m half crazy…all for the love of you.
Best. Plate. Ever.
It’s better with wine.
Low Men In Yellow Coats.

Cured meats for all!


Dear Mr. King,

25 May

Today we were let out of work early. 2:30 early. Miracle of miracles. I work with my Dad for those of you that don’t know and because I never learned to drive (that’s a topic for a whole other post), he’s the wheelman. Today he had to stop at Jewel to fill a prescription and I waited in the car. He texts me that he’ll be on the inside for “15.” I respond with “I need a drink and a bag of Doritos.” I wait. He brings me a Diet Coke and snack size bag of Doritos and, as Dads are known to do, as my Dad is known to do, an extra “surprise.” The June/July issue of Esquire with Bruce Willis on the cover. This is sweet enough as it is but he points to the lower left corner where it says in black and red Esquire font, “STEPHEN KING AND JOE HILL.” Inside is Part I of a King/Hill novella, In The Tall Grass. Written together and fucking wonderful. Six and a half pages of wonderful. My Dad is better than your Dad, unless you’re Joe Hill, your Dad’s pretty cool too. Reading this inspired me to share something I wrote a while back. It also inspired me to write about my Dad, but that, too, is a post for another Father’s Day.

My wedding day…you were there.

I’ve talked about my tattoo before. If you’ve successfully blocked me out, I’ll tell you again. I have Stephen King tattooed on my right arm. It’s not a Stephen King inspired tattoo or a quote from a book or an artistic something or other based on his writing. It’s his face. I have the face of a man I’ve never met, permanently (as permanent as tattoos are nowadays) etched into my arm. People’s reactions to this vary, but what consistently follows is, “You should write him and let him know!” Sure, I’ll sit down and write a letter to the greatest writer of all time (don’t start, I’ll fight you on this – I’ll win) and say what? “Hey, just wanted to say, your books are good. So much so that until the day I die, if my Husband wants to see me naked, he has to look you in the eye.” I’m sure that will come off completely sane and we’ll become Besties for life! But after reading what I read today, and reading the “Two Kings One Story” bit about how the two write together and feeling the way I felt when my Dad saw this magazine and knew that his little girl just had to have it (along with a Diet Coke and bag of Doritos), I’m compelled to answer the question most asked about my tattoo “But, why Stephen King?” I think the best way for me to answer that is to finish the letter I started writing three years ago, the one I wrote “to let him know.” When I wrote it I wasn’t sure how to get it to him. Do I send it to his publisher, his website, Entertainment Weekly (he still wrote regularly for them back then – I miss it.), tweet it? I’ll just put it here instead for you, my Intermittent Readers, but I’ll address it to him…

Dear Mr. King,

Let me start by saying that I am not your “#1 Fan.” There’s no Annie Wilkes in me – so far as I can tell anyway – I’m writing to tell you that I have tattoo (a few, but we’ll focus only on the one on my right arm) – the reason I’m telling you this dear Uncle Stevie, is because it’s of you. I have thought about writing to you for some time now and I’m not entirely sure that a 12 yr. old me didn’t send a fan letter your way all those years ago, but I’m doing it now. A little backstory (because who doesn’t love a little backstory). I was raised in Lebanon, Indiana (Population: No one). At a very young age I remember seeing this enormous book on my Mother’s bedside table. She told me it was a brilliant story about good & evil. She told me, while she was in labor with me she was reading this book and that I’d probably really love it.  As I was coming into this world…you were there. So I read The Stand…in the second grade. M-O-O-N, that spells, over-my-head. I may not have understood what I held in my 8 year old hands, but I definitely liked the way it sounded. I liked the way it made me feel. I wanted to hear more. The Lebanon Public Library now held only one section for me. Fiction, Horror, King. Every trip to the library and I’d come home with a new book – semi-dusty, yellowed gateways to awesome….and you were there.

In the 5th grade we were to write a book report on a book of our choosing – finally!  I chose The Eyes of the Dragon. Apparently my elementary school used the word “choose” loosely. While my teacher, Mrs. Hardee (one of the “good ones”) had no issue, kids talk and parents complain. I was called to the Principal’s office, given stern looks and lectures about the importance of “age-appropriateness.” After all, you must be very, very old to fully enjoy stories about dragons and wizards and such. J.K. Rowling would have been fucked. My parents were called in and I’m sure Principal Nofun expected them to nod. To agree. To punish.

They did not.

They stood up for me and said that they were under the impression that it was their job to decide what I was and wasn’t capable of handling and was there some sort of issue with the quality of the report itself?


“Well I guess we’re done here, aren’t we.”

 My Parents stood by me. They fought for me and trusted my judgment. They respected my choices….and you were there.

It’s 1995. I’m now at Lebanon Middle School. I’m playing the Mad Hatter in Boone County Jr. Civic’s Alice In Wonderland. My Mother’s directing. The library is celebrating its 90th birthday with a silent auction of autographed bookmarks “From one of Lebanon Public Library’s Favorite Authors.” We had a performance that night and while I desperately wanted your autograph, the show must go on. Dad spent the entire night standing over my bookmark. The story goes that an evil autograph reseller was going around scooping up all the autographs. He got most of them. He didn’t get ours. The next day my Dad was on the front page of the Lebanon Reporter holding the bookmark that fetched the largest dollar amount. Stephen King, $66! The blurb mentioned how he was determined to make sure he won it for his daughter who couldn’t be there because she was out working on her dream to become an actress – or maybe I just remember it that way – whatever the case. He came through for me…and you were there.

That’s why I got this tattoo. I’m 30 years old now, the tattoo just turned 3. People normally get portrait tattoos of their parents or their children – I picked you because I can look at your face on my arm and I see my Parents, my heroes, my teachers (the “good ones”). I see all the milestones of my life so far because, without fail…you’ve always been there. You know how you can hear a song and it instantly takes you back to a moment in your life where that song was playing and all the emotions you were feeling in that exact moment smack you in the face? Your books are kinda’ like that to me.

I just wanted you to know and I wanted to say thank you.

                Constantly Reading

P.S. I think it’s important to note that I’ve only ever written fan letters to two people in my entire life. The first one was to Ben Vereen during the Zoobilee Zoo years. I do not have Ben Vereen tattooed anywhere on my body…that would just be weird.


A Note To My Readers: I should mention that the tattoo that sparked this all was done by Kelly Rogers from Gearhead Tattoo in Cape Coral, FL. You are a damn fool if you don’t find him and give him all your money.

Conquest of the Universe or When Queens Collide – the video “sneak peek!”

14 May

Click the link to see KJack sing his face off.



Why hello there.

It Begins – Conquest of the Universe OPENS MAY 11th!!

7 May

Hello my Lovlies!!! I miss you….I’ll be back…very soon.

Here’s why I’ve been absent. Pass this along to everyone you know – or at least everyone in the Chicagoland area who digs weird-ass theatre.



Wednesday, May 9th, 8pm – INDUSTRY NIGHT!! $5 tickets at the door with Headshot/Resume
Friday, May 11 – 8pm
Saturday, May 12 – 8pm
Sunday, May 13 – 2pm
Thursday, May 17 – 8pm
Friday, May 18 – 8pm
Saturday, May 19 – 8pm

TICKETS: $20 at Brown Paper Tickets
$15 at the door

Conquest…tells the tale of Tamberlaine (Kirk Jackson as Philip Oakey), President of Earth, who systematically conquers every planet in the Solar System. Taking Bajazeth (J. Keegan Siebken as George Michael), King of Mars as his sex slave and imprisoning Zabina (Caitlin Jackson as Debbie Harry), Queen of Mars while doing his best to avoid his long-suffering wife, Maria (Allison Williams as Cyndi Lauper). While Zabina’s twin brother and lover Cosroe (Korey Enright as Billy Idol) attempts to destroy Tamberlaine and bring his rape and pillaging of the planets to an end.
    Tamberlain’s idea of “conquest” involves penetrating every leader of every planet, especially the male leaders, including Venus (Suzanne Bracken as Madonna), Queen of Venus and Natolia (Raymond Lawson as Joan Collins), Drag Queen of Saturn.
    This farce by Charles Ludlam, freely adapted into a musical by Ludicrous Theatre Company, touches on a wide variety of theatre forms, from Camp to Kabuki. Director Wayne Shaw’s “ludicrous twist” this time around, is that the actors are playing 80’s Pop Stars, playing Ludlam’s characters. With music from Blondie, Cyndi Lauper, Madonna, George Michael, Billy Idol and more, Ludicrous aims to shock, please and tease its audiences. Under the musical direction of T.J. Anderson, Ludicrous brings Pop Rock to Outer Space.

Be Aware: Strobe lights and Adult Content. VERY adult content.

Also Featuring: Karen Gold as Pee-wee Herman, Sean-Edward D. Hall, Jeff Watkins, J. Lance Williams as Mike Score

Choreographed by Ally Carey with Lighting Design by James Kassabian. Costumes by Suzanne Bracken.