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Heartbreaking Photo Of Real Life Catfish Caught On Camera

8 May

He said he was tall, slim, held a “leadership position” at work. He said he worked in law enforcement. When they talked on the phone, he had one of those voices that just made you feel safe, loved, relaxed. He sounded like the nicest man in the world. But sometimes, he would disappear. He wouldn’t be online, wouldn’t call or return texts for weeks at a time, like clockwork every couple years, but eventually he always got back to her, saying he was really busy “helping out his friend.” When she started getting suspicious she messaged his other Facebook friends. They had nothing but nice things to say about him. Worshiped him, she noticed. She understood. She was falling in love with him too. Finally a girl claiming to be his “sister,” Jessie, contacted her and said that he was ready to meet. They’d all be in New York for his sister’s upcoming wedding, to his best friend and that she should find the time to meet….IRL. It was now or never.

When she finally met him in Times Square, she realized she’d been toyed with all along.

image

I’m Helpful – Answers to Questions People Googled To Get Here.

16 Feb

I was checking C’mon Mr. Sunshine’s stats (that sounds dirty) and I was struck with how odd the list of search terms that poor, unsuspecting people in need of real answers to real questions used to end up at my blog.

I'm sorry you Googled this and ended up at my weird blog.

I’m sorry you Googled this and ended up at my weird blog.

My inner-humanitarian has decided to help them should they ever return.

We're very alike.

We’re very alike.

1.) The Amy Smart Walking Dead Confusion

amy smart walking dead
is amy smart on the walking dead

No. She isn’t. I think you think she’s Andrea. You’re wrong. You might think she’s Beth. Not that either. Maybe you think she was in the first season as Andrea’s sister Amy. No. I know you think she’s Andrea. Knock it off.

I honestly don’t think they look alike. There’s also about 10 years between them.

.

It would be nice, though, if Ashton Kutcher could take a look at some of the older Walking Dead scripts, get a nosebleed, and fix Andrea’s dumbassery.

.

 

2.) The Curious Attraction To Marky Mark’s Third Nip.

marky mark 3rd nipple
3rd nipple
marky mark third nipple
mark wahlberg third nipple
mark wahlberg third nipple pictures

I don’t know why you all are so excited about Wahlberg’s triple nip, but you are.

Here.

"Say hello to your Mother for me!"

“Say hello to your Mother for me!”

3.) Anatomy of a 2 Broke Girls Halloween Costume

2 broke girls costume
2 broke girls outfits
2 broke girls outfit
two broke girls kostüm
(Is that German?)

halloween 2 broke girls couple
diy 2 broke girls costume
2 broke girls latex
(What’s wrong with you?)

two broke girls latex (You too, buddy.)
two broke girls halloween costume

Step One: Find Reference Picture.

Step Two: Determine if you are a “Max” or you are a “Caroline.” (I’m Max. Duh.)

Step Three: Go Shopping – Dress. Ribbon. Apron. Hair. Giant Safety Pins. Name Tags. Boots.

Step Four: Make your apron. Glue the ribbon to your dress with this. Style the wig. Add accessories.

Step Five: Find friends to join you. Now, relax, have fun and bask in your glory. 

2 Broke Girls Oleg Costume2brokemaxandcarolinecostumesmax and caroline costume halloween*My “Caroline” made her necklace with big plastic pearls, gold chain, and these things.

Look. Copy. Win.

4.) Miscellaneous Helpfulness.

  • sometimes i like to meme

That’s ok. Sometimes I do too.

  • what can i make with finished cross stitch

I don’t know. I Google it almost everyday. If you find something, let me know.

  • what was the costume with the crows worn by darlene in roseanne about

She was dressed a Tippi Hedren’s character in The Birds.

See?

  • the walking dead andrea is an idiot

Yes. She is.

  • how to do a collage on pixlromatic
  • pixlr-o-matic add text
  • how to add text with pixlr-o-matic?

You can’t. Download PicsArt.

  • what does it mean if i cant stop drawing roses

It means you really like drawing roses.

the walking dead what if daryl dies

You’ll be fine. Although, I hear there are talks of a riot.

  • stupid andrea walking dead

Yes. She is.

  • pic of clown saying happy birthday meagan

That’s weird and strangely specific and I have no clue how you even got here…however…

HAPPYBIRTHDAYMEAGAN


The ABC’s of the Zombie Apocalypse – C is for CONSEQUENCE (Part II)

6 Nov

A few weeks ago I wrote Part I of the third letter in my little Alphabetical Zombie Survival Guide. For the 4 of you that read it I promised more….I know you’re simply dying for part II aren’t you? Well, here you go.

This post only contains Walking Dead spoilers through Season 2…It doesn’t have spoilers from this last episode….but it should because IT IS TOTALLY RELEVANT…but I digress…

When you Google Image Search “part two” you get a lot of depressed Robert Pattinsons.

In the first part I wrote about Carl’s douchebaggary in Season 2 of TWD when he threw rocks at the mud-stuck Walker which eventually lead to the brutal murder of Dale. I laid out the possible reactions to this scenario and then explored the possible consequences of each of those possible reactions. But why is it even important to weigh the pros & cons of every decision, every seemingly minute action? Here’s why…

Damn kids.

I understand why scenes like the mud-stuck Walker exist in TWD world. I get why Carl behaved the way he did. He’s a kid, we’re supposed to see that despite all the growing up this kid had had to do in the past months, he’s still just a kid that doesn’t have any sense of the world he’s living in. He’s Vada and Thomas J throwing rocks at the beehive. He’s curious and he’s scared but without the tools to predict the consequences of your actions, curiosity and fear are deadly and stupid.

The Zombie Apocalypse is not a world without consequence. It’s a world where the consequences are:

  • A) This will get me or someone I love eaten.
  • B) I won’t be eaten today.

That’s it; those are your two choices now. Will this end horrifically or will I live to fight another day?

Look at Lori.

No wonder Carl’s a mess, his mother is She of the Bad Decisions. Do you think she ever thought about the consequences of making sweet, sweet Apocalypse love (to two people no less!) while smack dab in the middle of a ZA? Sex leads to pregnancy (stay safe, kids) and getting pregnant will inevitably lead to the death of you, your baby, anybody you’re currently responsible for and anybody who’s currently responsible for you. For the last months of your pregnancy you’re going to be at a physical disadvantage. For the entire duration you’re going to be mentally disadvantaged, because everything you do will be colored with the safety of that baby. If you already have children, their safety is now at risk because you’ve got more on your mind now, don’t you? Who knocked you up? Was it your Husband? He’s now at a higher risk of being eaten because you’re a liability now.

I firmly believe that Kelly Taylor is the “Lori” of the 90210 group.

Do you even know who knocked you up? Was it your Husband or was it his best friend? Now you have the added bonus that maybe they’ll be a macho duel for your love and one of them will kill the other before anyone even has the opportunity to become lunch.

How is this going to affect your group? Other women in your group will more than likely be “assigned” to you in your time of need. What if she has kids of her own to look after? Now they’re at risk because their “protector” is busy birthing your baby. And let’s not forget that once the baby’s born all bets are off. The baby is a wailing zombie magnet. There are limited if any supplies to provide and care for a baby.

I was going to put a picture of Fred Phelps up as my “Religious Zealot,” but it was far too creepy. Enjoy Kevin Smith’s version instead.

What happens when one of you, the one who has run through the potential scenarios of your group’s survival, makes the hard decision and kills that baby for the good of the many or for the protection of their own child or because they take it upon themselves to deliver that baby into the hands of God with a mercy killing (it takes all kinds in a ZA – you’ll more than likely have a religious zealot or two in your gang).

What’s that going to do to your “family?” You’ve put multiple lives at risk all because you didn’t look at the potential consequences of your midnight bone session.

In the Zombie Apocalypse, oral sex is King and the King can save your life.

I’m not saying that everyone should automatically know how to predict the future, but when the zombie shit hits the fan and that shit is made up of bits and pieces of you and/or your loved ones it’s time to start changing the way you think. You won’t always make the right choices, but when you start to realize that every single decision you make (or don’t make) has the potential consequence of brutal death then at least you’ll be on the right track. It’s time to start imagining the worst because you now live in a world where the worst possible thing you can imagine happening, just happened to that guy over there because yesterday his group used up their ammunition shooting swinging trees and today he’s nothing but a big piece of meat with an empty gun in his hand.

For the love of God don’t Google “meat mask” at work. I’m on some sort of list now, I just know it.

The ABC’s of the Zombie Apocalypse – C is for CONSEQUENCE (Part I)

25 Oct

**Contains all the spoilers for all The Walking Dead**

We’re days away from the season 3 premier episode 3 of The Walking Dead on AMC. It’s been almost 7 months since we left Rick and the rest of the survivors and I didn’t know how much I missed them until I started re-watching the series today 3 weeks ago. Like, really…really missed them. Mostly just Rick though…the others are a big batch of annoying that just seem to make Rick’s life difficult if you ask me.

Anyhoo…the premier of the new TWD season coupled with the impending arrival of Halloween and the fact that I haven’t written anything in what feels like a bajillion years has led me to this, the third entry in………

The ABC’s of The Zombie Apocalypse:

C is for Consequence!

“C” became “Consequence” because of another “C,” Carl.  Who I may have called by another “C” word often during Season 2, but I digress…

Here’s my Carl conundrum; His pre-teen douchbaggary is 100% responsible for killing Dale. 100%. He made a very specific choice to act like an asshole. His decision to throw rocks at the Stuck-in-the-Mud-Walker followed by his inability to kill said walker led to Dale’s death.

It’s like Alien Vs. Predator, but with more facial hair and elderly man-sass.

I’m not going to fault him for freaking out once the walker started to get loose and being unable to take it down. He’s a kid. I get it, but he failed to foresee any consequences to his actions and that’s why Dale’s dead. If, instead of completely ignoring Carl and then spending obscene amounts of time looking for him once he fucked off somewhere, Lori and the rest of the gang had been teaching him valuable lessons in cause & effect, perhaps Dale would be alive and still be competing with Hershel for the “Wise Old Guy” position of the group. A few conversations about logic would have been more beneficial than Shane’s how-to-catch-frogs tutorial. 

Now, let’s walk through this particular scenario:

OVER 40 POSSIBLE ENDINGS!!! NOT ALL OF THEM END IN HORRIFIC DEATH!! (ALTHOUGH MOST OF THEM DO)

Boy sees restrained Walker.

Boy has 3 choices:

  1. Kill walker
  2. Alert a sane adult (there’s got to be a few around here somewhere, right?) or….
  3. ACT LIKE AN FUCKING ASSHOLE KID AND THROW ROCKS AT IT.

Now to explore the consequences of the only three viable options:

Comic Book Carl doesn’t fuck around.

1. Kill walker – Carl has a gun. He’s seen how they’re used and practiced shooting. The walker is restrained and stationary. It’s a perfect opportunity to man-up and take the opportunity to face what it’s going to be like to kill something. You know you’re going to have to do it eventually, kid, and here you have one wrapped up in a nice neat meat bow just for you.

CONSEQUENCE: Walker’s no longer a threat. Self satisfaction in eliminating the threat on your own. Mental & physical preparation for a necessary and vital act you’ll need to perform nearly everyday of the rest of your life while living during the Zombie Apocalypse.

2. Alert Sane* Adult – You’re still a hero kid! Go tell Rick! Dale! Daryl! Glenn! T-Dog! (Poor T-Dog, one would think “Where’s T-Dog?” would be just as common an inquiry as “Where’s Carl?”)

They always make T-Dog take the picture.

CONSEQUENCE: Sane adult kills walker and identifies this area of the woods as un-explored and potentially dangerous leading to a sweep of the area and the potential elimination of more walkers.

NO!

*It would be counter-productive to go to one of the batshit crazy survivors like Shane, Lori, Andrea or Hershel because you can’t predict the actions of crazy people and the whole point of this exercise is to logically predict the consequences of various reactions to a problem and then choose the safest, most helpful course of action that does not, in any way, end with Dale being disemboweled.

I thought an Instagram filter would make him look more like a douche. I was right.

3. Throw Rocks At It –Instead of reveling in the luck that you’ve stumbled upon a vicious killing machine that is paying zero attention to you and is unable to move, you start chucking rocks at it. While this is a brave and valiant choice when attempting to lure a walker away from its intended victim, it’s pure dumbass douchieness to do this in any other situation.

CONSEQUENCE: Walker is annoyed. Walker now smells food. Walker has all the time in the world to work his way out of his mud prison and follow that smell to food source, i.e. your friends and family. Eats Dale.

Close enough.

This post was of epic length and my lunch break is almost over….stay tuned for Part II where I get all philosophical about more crap that isn’t real.

To be continued….

This has nothing to do with the actual post, but contains the words “stay tuned” and is a fantastic movie.

It Begins – Conquest of the Universe OPENS MAY 11th!!

7 May

Hello my Lovlies!!! I miss you….I’ll be back…very soon.

Here’s why I’ve been absent. Pass this along to everyone you know – or at least everyone in the Chicagoland area who digs weird-ass theatre.

COME SEE A PLAY BIZNATCHES!!

***LIMITED RUN***



Wednesday, May 9th, 8pm – INDUSTRY NIGHT!! $5 tickets at the door with Headshot/Resume
Friday, May 11 – 8pm
Saturday, May 12 – 8pm
Sunday, May 13 – 2pm
Thursday, May 17 – 8pm
Friday, May 18 – 8pm
Saturday, May 19 – 8pm

TICKETS: $20 at Brown Paper Tickets
$15 at the door

Conquest…tells the tale of Tamberlaine (Kirk Jackson as Philip Oakey), President of Earth, who systematically conquers every planet in the Solar System. Taking Bajazeth (J. Keegan Siebken as George Michael), King of Mars as his sex slave and imprisoning Zabina (Caitlin Jackson as Debbie Harry), Queen of Mars while doing his best to avoid his long-suffering wife, Maria (Allison Williams as Cyndi Lauper). While Zabina’s twin brother and lover Cosroe (Korey Enright as Billy Idol) attempts to destroy Tamberlaine and bring his rape and pillaging of the planets to an end.
    Tamberlain’s idea of “conquest” involves penetrating every leader of every planet, especially the male leaders, including Venus (Suzanne Bracken as Madonna), Queen of Venus and Natolia (Raymond Lawson as Joan Collins), Drag Queen of Saturn.
    This farce by Charles Ludlam, freely adapted into a musical by Ludicrous Theatre Company, touches on a wide variety of theatre forms, from Camp to Kabuki. Director Wayne Shaw’s “ludicrous twist” this time around, is that the actors are playing 80’s Pop Stars, playing Ludlam’s characters. With music from Blondie, Cyndi Lauper, Madonna, George Michael, Billy Idol and more, Ludicrous aims to shock, please and tease its audiences. Under the musical direction of T.J. Anderson, Ludicrous brings Pop Rock to Outer Space.

Be Aware: Strobe lights and Adult Content. VERY adult content.

Also Featuring: Karen Gold as Pee-wee Herman, Sean-Edward D. Hall, Jeff Watkins, J. Lance Williams as Mike Score

Choreographed by Ally Carey with Lighting Design by James Kassabian. Costumes by Suzanne Bracken.

Comics, Costumes & More Awkward Celebrity Encounters: Our Adventure at C2E2, 2012

18 Apr

Hey…wanna’ know what I did this weekend? No?

Tough.

It was the third annual Chicago Comic & Entertainment Expo (C2E2) at McCormick Place – I got my groovy Stephen King tattoo back in 2010 at the first one.

C2E2, 2010: Check out Kelly Rogers at Gearhead Tattoo! Hurray!

The second year I went by myself and wandered aimlessly for about 3 hours before coming home with only a  leather diary thing that I still haven’t given to its intended recipient. Sorry Cori.

This year, however, was pretty f’ing decent if I do say so myself. KJack and I had to wait until Sunday to go which is usually the shittiest of days to attend a Con, but this year it was badass!

We're Grimey.

He's not in the house.

KJack wore his Rick Grimes Halloween costume and because I knew that a full zombie face make-up was gauranteed to have me itchy and irritated by noon, I opted to dress as Lori (which consisted of wearing clothes I already had and rolling my jeans up too high while screaming “Where’s Carl!??!” all day) instead of the Little Zombie Girl.

Last I heard, he was in the house.

The Con started at 10am and in classic K&CJack form we got there an hour later…whatevs, time means nothing to the nerdy.

Kirk immediately stopped at a t-shirt booth where we got matching Game of Thrones shirts for House Targaryen. I’m now immediately irritated because I need to look at everything first before I start deciding to spend money and I’m incapable of stopping at booths with pushy salespeople without buying something. God love ’em, WWF Wrestler Virgil is $25 richer due to the stellar combination of KJack stopping every time someone talks to him and my desire to just buy something so they’ll let me go away.

You win. Here's $25.

As my Mother has an unhealthy love for John Barrowman and because I’m an awesome daughter, I stood in line for an hour and a half to get her his autograph. I don’t generally do autographs as I feel like a goon once I get up there and I have no clue what I’ll do with them once I have them and also, because I’m of the assumption that they’ll want my autograph in a few years anyway so we may as well do an even swap then, but stood in line I did.

I've never seen more people dressed like a phone booth in my entire life.

Who knows where the hell KJack went while I was playing Draw Something and Words With Friends…maybe he was looking for Carl.

I did finally make it up to Barrowman, who seemed to loose interest in me when I said “Can you sign this for my Mom?” He was nice and all, but it felt like a Rex Manning moment and I think he thought I was some douchebag who didn’t care about him. He’s so wrong. I love him. Even if he was slightly bitchy…hell, I love him BECAUSE he’s slightly bitchy. There was a group of four chicks in their 50’s ahead of me that were wearing t-shirts that said BARROWLAND BRIGADE. I don’t know what it is about middle aged women and adorable gay men, but they were pretty stoked.

I wanted to tell him that The Making of Me was the most brilliant thing I’ve ever seen, that he was totally at the top of the “Celebrities That Could Come To My BBQ” list, that I think he’s probably one of the kindest, most decent people on Earth, that I’d give my left tit to sing just one verse of one song with him!! Instead, I asked him “How he was holding up” and said “My Mom loves you…we all love you.”

Then KJack took our picture and I ran away.

Pay no attention to the man behind the Time Agent.

While in line I caught glimpses of Nicky Brendon to the left and Val Kilmer  a table to the right.

I don't know where he went...the house, maybe?

I was on Buffy...remember Buffy?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I do love an Awkward Celebrity Encounter.

Moving on…

From there we hit Artist Alley where KJack geeked out all over Eric Powell and while he totally wanted to buy something of his, most everything was sold out and all Powell had left was a book full of fucking awesome giant panels for hundreds of dollars. I suggested KJack start blowing people near the bathrooms and then perhaps we could come back for some sweetass artwork….that didn’t pan out.

It was here we had our Virgil moment and after trying to walk away 6 times we finally succeeded when the guy at the table next to him gave me a flyer for something…I wish I could remember what he was promoting because I owe him my life.

Then we ran into a guy Kirk went to High School with, Steve Gadlin, who was selling cat drawings. Apparently this dude’s a genius because he went on Shark Tank with this idea and Mark Cuban gave him a shitload of money. He’s hilarious. Go. Check him out at I Want To Draw A Cat For You! I’m going to insist he become our new Best Friend. I’m quite sure he won’t mind.

At this point my feet hurt and I’ve looked everywhere for Carl, but to no avail.

Not Carl.

Quite a few people stopped KJack for his picture but very few got that I was supposed to be Lori. This may have been due to the fact that I look too…shall we say…well-fed. I’ve searched through thousands of pictures from Sunday, but I can’t find me anywhere! At least three people took pity on me and let me be in Rick’s picture, but they clearly don’t post to Flickr.

.

.I took one picture with one dude in costume and it. was. divine. I love you, Guy-Dressed-As-DJ-Lance-Rock.

.So that was C2E2 2012. We got a bunch of crap and had a great time. My feet tried to kill me and I refused to take public transportation home. A $30 cab ride later and we were home.

PICTURED: JB & V's autographs, California Raisins, Muppet Caper McDonald's glass, Gremlin book and audio record, 90210 "big button," Married With Children game, All In The Family game, NBC Trivia game, Shaolin Cowboy comic, Crossed comic, 2 Game of Thrones t-shirts, 1 Shining t-shirt, 1 Firefly t-shirt, Mal's replica hand gun, Tony Moore Rick Grimes autographed print, Dynamite Magazine and four Janet Lee prints. NOT PICTURED: Carl.


Blog! From Blammo!

2 Apr

Sometimes my brain is teeming with blog post ideas. Sometimes it’s not.

 Recently, it’s been more often not.

 Maybe it’s due to the fact that currently, I’m preoccupied with rehearsals and line learning and trying to figure out how the hell I’m going to sing Disco Inferno and Blondie’s Maria while dressed in a burlap sack and itchy wig while looking cool and without vomiting. I’ve been an actor for 25 years and I still am overwhelmed with paranoia and nerves for the entire process leading up to opening night. One would think this would deter me from this whole “theatre thing,” but apparently I’m a masochist. I’m generally paranoid and terrified much of my day anyway, so no big.

 Since I’ve neglected my little blog here I felt oh so terrible for you, my Intermittent Readers, and felt that I must post something brilliant today to satiate you for at least 3 days until my next post.

 I Googled “blog post ideas.”

 I’m sorry, but I did. I’m grossed out that I even did this because why even write a blog if you can’t organically generate your own content. Why write if you have nothing to say? It’s not as if I’m Perez Hilton and legions of teenagers will crumble if they’re not getting a constant deluge of pictures of giant pregnant Jessica Simpson. I’m just some gal who occasionally posts mildly funny things and then repeatedly screams at her friends, “WHY AREN’T YOU READING MY BLOG?!” I love that there are a few of you out there that genuinely seem to enjoy some of my postings and I feel guilty when I can’t provide you with hilarious and timely content and it’s for you that I sunk so low as to find myself here: The Blog Post Generator

 But WAIT! SURPRISE TWIST ENDING…there is an endless sea of hilarity to be found here!!!

 All one is to do is click “Create” and then take whatever topical and thought provoking “idea” this generator generates and head back over to your blog and prepare to be Freshly Pressed.

Let’s explore:

The plot was decent, but it left me hungry for more.

James Taylor? That British band I've never heard of and only found through Google? James Cagney?

Number 1: It's not General Hospital.

This one is actually pretty good. Buffy is "one of my favorites." It's my favorite TV show, my favorite color and my favorite food. It is NOT my favorite movie.

That it's no longer on the air?

Yogurt or yoghurt (other spellings listed below; US: /ˈjoʊɡərt/, UK: /ˈjɒɡət/) is a dairy product produced by bacterial fermentation of milk."
Done.

If I used this idea, would I just put the question out there and hope my readers provide me with the information about curling I so desperately desire?

Remember when Jerry Van Dyke was the Big Lots spokesperson? That was a match made in Heaven, don't ya' think?

I don't.

You know, it's stuff like this that gets Bloggers stereotyped on TV shows like The Office.

I mean, Jerry and his Big Lots commercials I can handle, but Dick Van Dyke and his crime solving?!!? I just can't DEAL WITH THAT!!!!!

oh my.

It was at this point that I called it quits, because hitting that “create” button one too many times apparently calls forth an evil that I was not prepared for.

So that ends my adventure with a blog post generator. I will never Google “blog post ideas” ever again and I will just accept the fact that some days, I’m just going to be unable to bring the funny.

One thing that did come out of this though is the giant list of topics I will now inevitably blog about:


No Comics For YOU! – Instead, Let’s Pretend It’s 2 Years Ago.

28 Mar

There will be no review for you today, as KJack’s exact words to me this morning were:

“Nothing is awesome and nothing is terrible.”

Apparently, we’re all about extremes over here at Come On, Mr. Sunshine.

So, instead of your regularly scheduled comic book review, we’re going to hit it up vintage-style and go back to January 2010 when you couldn’t get “Hey Soul Sister” out of your head, Justin Bieber was just that Canadian kid from Youtube and you were still reeling over what New Directions did at Sectionals.

Remember Death Metal Rooster?

This Youtube video was all the rage back in ol’ January of yore.

 

There were follow-ups, spoofs and parodies up the wazoo, but this one is quite possible the most entertaining.

I’m 100% biased because this is Bestie Cori‘s spawn, Charlie.

My nephew is far cooler than you because sometimes…he just needs to rock.

*****************************

I was all set to end this post here, but when I was looking for something to link “Hey Soul Sister” to, I found the below video…as I’ve noticed most of you don’t click on things like I tell you too, I’m just going to go ahead and put it in.

Because nothin’ goes better with a 2 yr. old jamming to death metal than an 8 yr. old rocking a ukulele.

Adorbs.


What I’m Watching: The Week in Limerick

23 Mar

Hi all….I must warn you that if you haven’t watched the last two episodes of Walking Dead, skip the first one…otherwise I’m not spoiling a damn thing, so chillax. Also, my limericks aren’t dirty. They should be. I didn’t intentionally make them clean..it’s just…limericks are hard y’all. For reals.

Enjoy.

Sunday-THE WALKING DEAD


Sheriff Rick’s best pal was a louse,
Who boned Rick’s horrible spouse.
Now Shane is gone.
Killed by Rick’s spawn,
Because Carl was not in the house.




Monday-THE VOICE


Three stars sit in chairs that are cushy.
They must choose without having a look-see.
Drawn by the voice,
The stars make their choice,

While Cee Lo strokes his white pussy.



Tuesday-NEW GIRL


She’s cute and her name is Zooey.
Instead of “sex” she says “making whoopie.”

She lives with three boys,

Whom she always annoys.
Next week, instead, I’ll watch Glee.


Wednesday-NBC

NBC Wednesday nights are for “comedy,”
But they keep airing …Chelsea and Whitney.

This night you have botched.

Please don’t force me to watch.
I’d rather remove my own kidney.


Thursday-30 ROCK



There once was a girl named Liz Lemon
A hero for smart, awesome women.
The Peacock’s redeemed.
Wednesday night, a bad dream.
My kidney I’ll keep for Grizz Chapman.

You Wouldn’t Memederstand.

15 Mar

Everybody likes a meme right?

“Gem Creature” by Seattle-based illustrator Dain Fagerholm.....Can't. Stop. LOOKING!

Someone takes a picture, puts some words on it and then lets it loose on the interwebs like Herpes. Sometimes they’re just something that’s candy for your eyeballs like the Wigglegram above and sometimes they attach Pop Culture significance to an otherwise random picture.

Part of their charm and reason they spread faster than “fetch,” is due to the fact that they speak to a wide audience. Almost anyone can look at them and pass them along with the comment: “OMG! Right?!?!” And all their friends will say, “Oh, you old so&so! Once again you’ve graced us with your topical observations on something we’re all thinking by reposting a meme you got from George Takei!! LOL” 

If only Trump had given them a Meme challenge on Celebrity Apprentice…but I digress.

Today, however, isn’t going to be about the most popular memes to hit Cyberspace (I like referring to the internet in 90’s slang). Today is about the memes my friend Peep (I’d give you more info about Peep, but he won’t respond to my Faceplace message asking him if it was ok to use these…oh wells) is spreading around Facebook. They make sense to no one and if presented to the world would receive one of two reactions from people outside my circle of pals:

1.) lame. meh. whut?

2.) HAHAHAHAHA That’s HILARIOUS and SO TRUE!! I get it! I can’t believe you don’t! It’s from that one movie! Gah!

If it garners a #2 reaction, then you can pretty much be sure that the person is lying and is probably a tool. You should immediately stop being their friend (unless it’s George Takei..’cause he knows funny).

Without further ado, I present to you….

Memes You More Than Likely Don’t Give A Crap About!!!

You bet your ass it is.


TOTALLY UNRELATED NOTE: Happy Birthday Dad!!
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