A Movie Review By CJack: Joss Whedon & Drew Goddard’s “The Cabin In The Woods”

27 Mar

As my first “official” movie review here at Come On, Mr. Sunshine, we’re going to talk about Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard’s new “horror” movie, The Cabin in the Woods.

Thanks to KJack’s comic book guy connections, we got to go to an advanced screening of the movie last night, which officially premiered earlier this month at SXSW and opens wide, April 13th. 

To be perfectly honest, I was all “Whateves…I’ll go see this movie ’cause it’s free…Joss wrote it so at least it might have some decent writing over whatever cliched schlocky twists and turns The Man forced them to include. It’ll probably try really hard to set us up and then get us with a ‘gotcha moment.’ There will be some laughs and then I’ll go home and be pissed that I missed Smash. It’ll be Frailty, but in hilarious Buffy-speak!”

I was wrong.

It was one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. Best. It was exactly what I wanted it to be and exactly the opposite of what the trailer makes it out to be. It was pure, piping hot, fresh out of the oven, unadulterated AWESOME! Now…onto the actual “review” portion of this movie…..

How you doin'?

For those of you who found this post by Googling “cabin in the woods movie review” or “cabin in the woods spoilers,” I have one thing to say to you…

KNOCK. IT. THE. FUCK. OFF!!!!

Seriously, stop it.

Make this the last thing you read about the movie. End it. Search no more. Lay off. Let it go. Forget it. Resist the urge to look any further into this matter and go back to using the interwebs for porn.

Please. 

There is only one thing you need to worry yourself with and it’s this…

Unless you’re a child….because it’s rated R and it’s full of blood and a little bit of boobs and the fuck word….

…you probably shouldn’t be reading this blog either, by the way.

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7 Responses to “A Movie Review By CJack: Joss Whedon & Drew Goddard’s “The Cabin In The Woods””

  1. saradraws March 28, 2012 at 5:42 pm #

    Can you define “child”…should I be reading this blog?

    • CJack March 28, 2012 at 6:49 pm #

      You’re safe….but just barely.

  2. I Made You A Mixtape March 28, 2012 at 3:36 am #

    I am intrigued…. but too scared. I have a feeling I won’t sleep for days afterwards. I got even too spooked by the Woman in Black trailer!….LOL!!!

    • CJack March 28, 2012 at 8:32 am #

      Don’t be scared!! The scariest parts of traditional horror movies are when you don’t know what’s coming. This has a few jump scenes and a ton of blood, but that’s it. It’s not scary so much as hilarious and smart. You know a lot more about what’s going on than the kids in the cabin! Cabin in the Woods is like the smarter, cooler cousin of Evil Dead, Drag Me To Hell and Scream.

      I am an extreme horror fan and I still watch them with my hands over my eyes. I had to see Paranormal Activity 3 twice because I pussed out the first time and kept watching it through my fingers…this ain’t even in the same genre.

      Trust. 🙂

  3. clownonfire March 27, 2012 at 2:52 pm #

    Added on my list.
    Only because you say so.
    Ok. I like Joss Whedon, too.
    Le Clown

  4. Jason March 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm #

    Where’s the review part?!?

    • CJack March 27, 2012 at 2:41 pm #

      That is the review. Just go see it. There’s nothing else anyone needs to know. I wouldn’t even know how to go about explaining why you need to see it, I just know that it needs to be seen.

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